2. Star Wars takes place in our galaxy

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via superninjaalex
 

I am aware of the opening words of Star Wars, but I'm still going to see this one through. After all, "A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away" sounds like complete horseshit, right? 

There's lots of evidence that Hutts and Mynocks and *sigh* even Gungans are from the Milky Way. Besides the fact that there are humans everywhere in Star Wars, a lot of the evidence comes from other sci-fi universes that hook in with Star Wars. Look hard enough and you can find links to Star Trek, Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy and even the work of Isaac Asimov.

But those are all ambiguous references at best. The strongest link to our galaxy comes from (gulp) Episode I.

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Yep, that's E.T.'s brethren right there, participating in the galactic senate while also being butt-ass naked. We know they've been to Earth, which means that it's pretty likely we share a galaxy. More proof can be seen in the E.T. movie proper; when the titular alien spots a kid in a Yoda costume, he starts following him and murmurs "Home." It seems as though E.T. was familiar with Yoda's species, and was hoping to get help from a friendly face from his part of the galaxy.

What's more likely: That the E.T. species has developed a form of intergalactic space travel and haven't told anyone else in the Star Wars universe? Or maybe Earth is actually in the Star Wars canon, and no one has thought to bother with a backwater planet like ours? One thing's for sure: Fans definitely do not have too much time on their hands. 

 

1. The Ewoks are worse than anyone imagined

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Hate 'em or hate 'em, Ewoks are a definitive part of the Star Wars universe. Though cuddly, they are also fierce warriors that somehow took on a bunch of Stormtroopers to defend their home and sell a shitload of toys. When the second Death Star blew up, the Ewoks also threw a pretty slammin' party. There was music, and dancing and uh, food I would have to assume. What do Ewoks even eat, anyway?

Oh. Oh no. Earlier in Return of the Jedi, the Ewoks are ready to feast on Han, Luke and Chewie in honor of their golden god, C-3PO. By the way they've expertly hogtied the crew, this isn't their first manflesh rotisserie rodeo. Humans are probably a delicacy for Ewoks -- if someone unlucky enough stumbles into one of their traps, the soup's on. 

But all that was cleared up before the finale. Han and the Ewoks are friends! There wouldn't be any human flesh to eat, unless...

I guess it's not likely that those Stormtroopers willingly gave over their helmets and joined the Rebel Alliance. No, Ewoks probably killed several agents of the Empire, stripped their corpses for valuables and musical instruments and then cooked their bodies whole.

That's what the Ewoks were celebrating: Not the collapse of the evil space dictatorship, but the fact that thousands of pounds of fresh meat just dropped into their laps. They don't know or care what's going on in the galaxy, or have any concept of the Empire; if they thought a chatty droid was an immortal deity, you can bet they didn't give a shit about what happened to the big metal ball in the sky. Hopefully Luke and Leia found a way to politely turn down the man-jerky on offer.

The moral of the story: Don't fuck with Ewoks. They will literally eat you for lunch.

 

 

Want to go further down the fan theory rabbit hole? Check these out:

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