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Oh wow. Ohhhhhh wow. Wow.

Okay, everyone - go read Max Landis' script for Super Mario World. It was written by Landis (most well-known for writing the found-footage superhero film Chronicle and for being the son of director John Landis) at the young age of 19. And it's bad. Thankfully, he's aware of how bad it is - the script contains a foreword that details all of the problems with the script and is immensely self-deprecating and self-critical throughout.

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Still - it's worth reading. It's (not a joke here) 435 pages long (wayyyy longer than any normal script), is ridiculously self-serious for a Super Mario Bros. movie, and contains appearances from the following characters (beyond the normal characters you'd expect in a Mario film):

  • Kirby
  • Almost ALL of the Donkey Kong crew - from DK to Diddy to Cranky to Funky Kong
  • Samus Aran
  • The Duck Hunt Dog
  • Kirby
  • Ness
  • BANJO AND KAZOOIE ARE IN THIS THING FOR GOD'S SAKE

 

While we haven't even come close to reading the whole thing, it should be noted that Wario is more of a presence than Bowser (the term "Wario" appears almost 400 times!), Mario and Luigi's last name is "Cassavettes," there's a huge amount of gunplay and swearing, and so much more.

 

Such as how the DK crew all have weird, tribal names and all the names we know (Donkey, Cranky, Diddy, Funky) are just nicknames:

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Uzis and horrifying moments of violence and melodrama are everywhere:

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WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING:

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HOLY MOTHER OF GOD IS THIS REAL:

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OKAY WE WOULD LIKE TO DO AN OFFICIAL STAGED READING OF THIS SOMETIME SOON. WHO'S IN?

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Please, PLEASE go read this right now so we can talk about this. So many props to Max Landis for sharing this with the world (and for writing it in the first place). Lord knows I would never ever show off my teen-year screenplays with the world.