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Jesus Christ, another game? ANOTHER game?

It's not that I don't like games - I love playing games! It's just that FUCKING HELL there are a lot of games these days, right? Can't they just, like, slow down just a little? We just got done playing Destiny, we have Smash Bros. in a week, then after that there's another deluge of games - Assassin's Creed, Borderlands, Call of Duty, and - OH SHIT, Hyrule Warriors is out now too? Fuck me.

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Pictured: In your spare time, you like to blind orcs with dry ice or something I have no goddamn idea you probably steal their dragon souls or something

 

You should see my backlog. My Steam library alone is just out of control. At this point, I've given up on any notion that I would actually ever play all of the games I've purchased - hell, I probably won't get around to half of them. And with week after week of new Humble Bundles dumping, like, FIVE new games into my library, how in God's name am I ever supposed to buckle down and enjoy a game, when I know I have like 40 more games I could also be playing that might be just a little more fun or fulfilling? It's too much pressure.

I didn't even know this was a thing. Sure, it looks pretty good and I generally like Lord of the Rings stuff, but REALLY? Another vaguely medieval fantasy game. How many of those do I really need to play? Shouldn't I try to get more variety in my life? Is it really worth the few hours I have off a week to plug 15-20 hours into this thing? Between work and friends and family and sleep, I barely have time to shit. In what little time I do have, sometimes I just wanna veg out and watch Bob's Burgers on Netflix.

I mean, I still haven't gotten around to Dark Souls II yet. I should probably just play that instead, right?

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Pictured: ooo a bright blinding light I got an app on my phone that does the same goddamn thing but you don't see me calling myself a wizard do you

 

It would really just help if the videogame industry would just slow the fuck down. Who needs this many games per year? Who the hell can keep up with this shit? You know what would really help? If they would just fucking take a break. Just take a hiatus. Take two years off and stop making games. Then I could catch up with all the games I've been meaning to try out. I could play Prison Architect. I could get to the DLC for Dishonored.

Tina's the best. Like, there's no question.

I guess that wouldn't work - people would lose their jobs and stuff, so fuck. Maybe just work together on, like, 5 big games per year? Just...everyone work together somehow and put out 5 really solid games per year. That would help so much. Cuz if I start playing THIS game, I'm just gonna be thinking "SHIT GOTTA FINISH FAST, GOTTA GET TO HYRULE WARRIORS." And then when I play Hyrule Warriors, I'm gonna be thinking about Smash Bros. And then when I'm playing that, I'm gonna be thinking "FUCK the Villager" (but I should probably be thinking about the 90-fucking-billion games being released across all console and handheld and PC platforms in the lead-up to Christmas, plus old games that'll go on sale that I meant to get but never did, plus GODDAMMIT WHY AM I OPENING UP CIV 5 AGAIN?).

But seriously, FUCK the Villager.

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Pictured: I can basically watch any Tina-centric episode and be happy. Bob's Burgers asks nothing of me except to enjoy jokes about butts. 

 

So here we are - another pretty good looking Lord of the Rings game. Great. I mean, yeah, it looks good, but pretty much EVERYTHING "looks pretty good" these days. The combat and gameplay look pretty good too, but in a market this oversaturated, is "pretty good" enough?! I dunno. I just wanna watch Bob's Burgers.

Man, I'd just like to replay Skyrim and just install a buttload of mods. Fuck, that'd be great.

 

FINAL SCORE:


OH FUCK GODDAMMIT I SAW SOME GAMEPLAY VIDEOS AND IT LOOKED REALLY GOOD. SHIIIIIIIIIIT FINE WHATEVER THERE GOES ANOTHER $50 AND 20 HOURS OF MY EVER-SHORTENING LIFE...out of 10