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Even superhero cops can be dicks sometimes. Protecting the galaxy is their job, but that doesn't mean everyone who gets sworn into the Green Lantern Corps a great guy. Hal Jordan, for instance, has been the most prominent Lantern outside of old Justice League cartoons, but there was a time where he went crazy and murdered all of his co-workers and never got written up by HR. Years later, that freak-out was "revealed" to be one of those cosmic demon possessions you see so often these days, but the fact remains that the space police are far from infallible.

In the interest keeping the Green Lanterns honest, we've compiled a list of some of their most flagrant infractions. The Corps recruits its members from many different planets, so not all of these will concern that white dude played by Ryan Reynolds -- just most of them.

 

5. Green Lantern turns into an envelope, mails himself to criminals

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Back when superheroes were still relatively young, there wasn't a ton of oversight when it came to making sure characters stuck to their own rules and boundaries -- which is what allowed Superman to suddenly start shooting tiny versions of himself out of his hands. Before anyone came along and laid down the law regarding what you could and could not do with a Green Lantern ring, it basically functioned as a magic lamp that granted unlimited wishes (as long as it had nothing to do with the color yellow). And so America was subject to cockamamy schemes such as the one above, wherein we see Hal Jordan's sidekick Pieface (yeah, more on that later) witnessing his mentor transform into an envelope in his sleep so as to better execute the ridiculous plan that centers around mailing himself directly to the enemy.

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The strategy worked, probably because you can't have your hero turn himself into stationary and fail miserably in the same comic. The spies couldn't have stolen the letter faster if it had "TOP SECRET" written on it in pink highlighter, and subsequently brought the parcel right to their hideout. Hal, awake all this time, uses his power ring turn into a much larger envelope and cold-cock the goons harder than a forgotten student loan payment. It's such a convoluted and unnecessary scenario with so many flaws. Like, what if the spies hadn't come across the right letter? Would Hal just stay in some dusty post office bin forever, living for the brief moments when he brushes up against the classy kind of porn? Wouldn't it have been easier just to use a real letter and use the Green Lantern ring to whip up some chinese food for a simple stakeout? It all seems like a roundabout way for us to see that image of a giant envelope sprouting a bicep and walloping a goon in the face. Though when you put it like that, it sounds like a pretty noble endeavor.

 

4. Hal Jordan: Space Racist

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Remember how I mentioned Hal's sidekick was called "Pieface" and you thought that sounded like an obscure old-timey racial slur they stopped using before Alaska was a state? Well you were right. Poor Thomas Kalmaku was sentenced to bear the name forever as punishment for the crime of being an inuit in the general vicinity of the famous Wonderbread dickbag Hal Jordan. He tries to explain it away by tying the "eskimo" to "eskimo pie," but even if we lived in a world where "pieface" wasn't already an established slur, it's not exactly endearing when you give someone a nickname based on their background and combine it with a part of the body. That'd be like calling an Italian "Noodle Knees" or a white American "MayoNose". Hal was never really too mean to Tom, but as we learned with The Spirit's sidekick, ignorance and good intentions are not mutually exclusive.

It's been a sore spot in Green Lantern's history for a long time, one they address in a re-telling of Hal Jordan's origin...

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So all of a sudden Hal isn't the one who slapped Tom with that god-awful name -- it's some other walking jock itch, and Hal is the one defending him. The attempt to write the slur out of the comic is admirable, but it's insulting to pretend that this superhero, the good guy, wasn't the one who instigated the whole thing years ago. Instead of addressing the problem head-on, with a scene of Hal getting called out on his own asshattery, it just removes the blame and places it elsewhere. It's like the time when you were a kid and you peed the bed, but you told everyone the dog did it. You know, hypothetically speaking.