undefined    

Supervillains get their shit kicked in all the time -- it's sort of their job. A good bad guy will take their licks with dignity, shaking their fist and declaring that their nemesis will rue the day they ever crossed The Condiment King. It's all in service of maintaining the status quo; the hero gets a win, but the villain saves enough face to remain a credible threat when their next evil scheme bubbles over. Yet some defeats are so humiliating that there's not much a self-respecting thematic foil can do but try to pretend it never happened. But because the internet never forgets, we've compiled a smattering of the most disgraceful drubbings in all of comics.

 

5. Doctor Doom gets his nuts stomped by Squirrel Girl

   undefined

Created as a direct response to the "Grim and Gritty" motif that thrived in the polyester codpiece that was 1990s comics, Squirrel Girl was the complete opposite of Robin getting bludgeoned to death with a crowbar. Drawn by Steve "I Basically Created Spider-Man But Now I'm a Hermit Leave Me Alone" Ditko, Squirrel Girl's big debut had her facing off with none other than Doctor Doom. With her new friend Iron Man out of commission, it was up to Squirrel Girl and her army of conveniently-adjacent rodents to take out an uber-dictator with unlimited power and resources. It went slightly better than expected.

undefined

You can explain this away with "it was all a dream" or "it was a Doombot" all you want, but the fact is Squirrel Girl was created with the explicit purpose of bringing a hoity toity villain back down to earth, reminding us all how goofy and fun comic books can be. Since dunking on Doom, Squirrel Girl has made a name for herself preying on those who dare to underestimate her. Goons like Deadpool, MODOK and even Thanos have all fallen to her festive vest and cruelty-free uggs. Though she's moved on to other nemeses, it'd be nice to think she still remembers her first.

 

4. Homeless Darkseid steals clothes, gets mugged by youths

  undefined

If you're not familiar with Darkseid, well, that's probably on DC Comics. The guy was Thanos before Thanos was Thanos, but since DC movies are so far behind Marvel, he hasn't shown up on the big screen. Rest assured, Darkseid is the kind of big-bad that would appear in a mid-credits scene right before you test the patience of your friends and family by explaining why that two-second cameo is a big deal.

Though he's usually busy ruling the hellworld Apokolips or fending off the entire Justice League with a single pinky toenail clipping, there was a time that Darkseid lost all his powers and was stranded on Earth. Faced with the possibility of being recognized by a superhero, he breaks into a local clothing store to disguise himself and presumably shield his drafty leotard from the harsh elements of terrestrial weather. He did so whilst woefully unaware of Earthling superstition, namely the belief that karma's true form resembles a female canine:

   undefined

Worse than matching a green plaid trenchcoat and cheap red fedora: Being steamrolled by small-time creeps. If Darkseid had his powers, he'd eviscerate every cell in their punk bodies and then go back in time and do the same for their entire family tree for a thousand years -- but without his evil space magic, he's at a loss. Despite his massive frame, Darkseid has rarely had to rely on his beefiness alone. As a mortal on Earth, he's a big lumbering baby that hasn't grasped all of his motor functions. Coincidentally, this made him a lot more fun at parties.

 

3. The ballad of Joker's bountiful boners

   undefined

Back before it was only the name of the annoying neighbor on Growing Pains, "boner" was actually used to describe an embarrassing mistake. An early 1950s issue of Batman hinges on proper understanding of the term, centering on a series of cock-ups by none other than the Clown Prince of Crime. If we went over the fine details of each debacle, these boners would last over four hours, so we'll skip to when the story starts pumping: The Joker accidentally ruins his own robbery, a boner so big that it makes the newspaper. Throbbing with rage at the idea of being on the ass-end of a gag, Joker vows to make everyone else feel how painful a boner can be.

   undefined

Though he threatened Gotham at large, it doesn't take a Batmanologist to know that Joker only ever wanted to see the Dark Knight's boner. For making him feel so inadequate, Joker focused on a plot that would make his enemy blunder into a boner so big that even Batman would appear limp and useless for at least 15 minutes afterwards. Despite Robin's worried warts, the Caped Crusader hatched a plan to make it look like he did in fact pull a huge boner -- but wouldn't you know it, he was faking it the whole time! Joker was so busy vigorously stroking his ego that he failed to notice that he had pulled yet another boner by letting Batman into his special place. The climax comes sooner than expected, but it's not a big deal, it happens with a lot of stories.