There's an online tool called Anaface, which allows you to put in a picture of any face and - with the help of some carefully-designed analysis tools - judge the beauty of said face via scientific measurement. Now, we can finally and definitively rank the facial beauty of 10 different videogame characters.

 

1. Gob (Fallout 3)

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This ghoul is lookin' ghoul-d. Ghould...like good, but for ghouls.

 

2. Custom Commander Shepard (Mass Effect)

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I'm not Commander Shepard, but this IS the hottest face on the Citadel.

 

3. Max Payne (Max Payne)

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Max Payne is also at the max of hotness. Not quite "disfigured ghoul"-hot, but close.

 

4. G-Man (Half-Life)

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If there's one overriding emotion you feel when staring at the G-Man in Half-Life, it's "this guy's mouth width is nearly ideal." Who DOESN'T want to do things to this G-Man that would make him the PG-13-Man?

 

5. Adoring Fan (The Elder Scrolls: Oblivion)

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Maybe WE should be the adoring fans of THIS guy? 5.38 out of 10 theoretically means he's at least in the realm of "more attractive than not."

 

6. Ganondorf (The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time)

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Psh, like this even matters. He's the ONLY male Gerudo! He's gonna get some action on the Hyrule-equivalent of Tinder no matter what.

 

7. Baraka (Mortal Kombat)

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The mouth is sliiightly too wide for his stubby little nose. Really though, aren't we nitpicking?

 

8. Smoker (Left 4 Dead)

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Listen, the Smoker's not going to win any beauty pageants, but the guy's not TERRIBLE. 3/10 - and probably a little better after you've knocked back a few cold ones. Or, if there was a zombie apocalypse and your options suddenly became a lot more limited.

 

9. Steve (Minecraft)

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This large-pixel-faced blockhead is almost the ugliest thing ever - luckily, the ratio of face width to nose width is almost ideal. Assuming that IS a nose, at least.

 

10. Mario (Super Mario 64)

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Ugh - look at this ugly, horrible face. Nowhere near the unparalleled beauty of a Fallout ghoul or PS2-era Max Payne. Literally the ugliest a person can be.

 

Unranked - Pikachu (Pokemon X & Y)

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Pikachu's beauty is beyond the capacity of Anaface's understanding of traditional beauty. It cannot even begin to compute how attractive Pikachu may or may not be. Does this mean Pikachu is so hot that he's off the charts in hotness? Possibly. Or does this mean that Pikachu's so butt-ugly that there are no words to even describe how messed up his face is? Also a possibility.

The point is, Pikachu operates on a beauty scale we cannot even comprehend.