You know The Purge? It's that movie that was supposed to be about the horrific and bizarre situations that would arise when all crime was deemed legal for 12 hours and the total anarchy that would take over, but ended up being a crummy Ethan Hawke movie that mostly ignored its extremely cool premise. Now there's another Purge movie out - one that actually shows us the terrifying outside world beyond Ethan Hawke's house during a Purge. And watching the film, you have to wonder: if the Purge was real, could I survive it?
Well, just in case the Purge ever DOES become real, here are some tips to get you ready for 12 hours of lawless chaos!
Breakfast is the most important meal of the day - especially for days when all laws are null and void and murder is legalized! You'll need a lot of energy to take care of yourself and your loved ones throughout the day, so best get every day started on the right foot.
Let's face it - those in better physical condition are going to fare A LOT better than the slower, weaker, fatter ones in our population. You may find it necessary to run, to jump, and even to fight when the lawless day of The Purge comes - so get your pump on!
There's only thing more deadly than marauding gangs of murderers who will face no legal consequences for their horrific actions - stress. That's why you need to have a healthy balance between work and the rest of your life. Make sure you spend lots of time with your friends and family, relaxing and appreciating the little things.
Beat someone within an inch of their life in a public setting. Then threaten everyone that "the same or worse" will happen to them and/or their loved ones if they snitch to the cops. You may think this would put a big target on your back come Purge day, but the opposite is true: people will grow to fear and avoid you, knowing you possess the killer instinct that many others do not.
In essence, live like every day is Purge day.
You don't want to give your neighbors any excuses for wanting to knock you off! Always keep a nice lawn - mown often, watered plenty, and seeded frequently. If property values stay up, so might your chances of surviving a night of horrors unlike any seen before!
You need to keep your home safe - and what better way to keep things safe than dangerous things that can do grievous physical harm everywhere? No one's gonna come knocking on your door when they're certain to die in the process! SELL YOUR GIRL SCOUT COOKIES SOMEWHERE ELSE, LAUREN!
Participate in town council meetings, support the local theatre, volunteer at charitable events, and plant landmines literally all over town under the guise of "landscaping."
Or, alternatively, get a new lock for your doors. Can't ever be too careful!