Pacific Rim is a lot of fun - how could a movie about people melding their minds together to control a robot that punches monsters to death NOT be fun? But while I have a lot of love in my heart for this classic tale of robots punching monsters, there are a couple questions that keep bothering me.

 

1. Why didn't they just have Jaegars standing guard at the portal ALL THE TIME?

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Even after the Kaijus have been wrecking shit up coast-to-coast, humanity only knows a few things about them: they look pretty cool, they give us an excuse to create enormous punching robots, and they come from a portal in the middle of the Pacific Ocean.

One portal. One, single, individual portal. They ALL come out of it. That's the origin of every single Kaiju on Earth.

But for some reason, it's completely unguarded. The Jaegars are hanging out at bases on land, and no one's bothering with the monster-spewing dimensional rift that's the cause of all of our problems. Seriously, how hard would it have been to just have a couple Jaegars standing by right around the portal to immediately punch anything that came out? At least we would instantly know about new Kaiju if someone was always watching the portal, instead of having entire cities get sneak-attacked. Or just have a constant barrage of nukes being set off like landmines every time a new monster pops through.

Then again, maybe the filmmakers realized an expensive CGI film version of whack-a-mole wouldn't have been as much fun.

 

2. How did a Kaiju get pregnant? Aren't they all just destruction-minded clones?

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Or, wait - are ALL Kaijus pregnant? It's weird to have a bunch of clones - who are intimated to be genetically-designed as biological weapons, basically - and have them secretly boning before going through a portal to wreck shit up. The other possibility is that they were sent in pregnant...but being RIGHT ABOUT TO GIVE BIRTH puts a monster at a pretty huge disadvantage, since the process of giving birth in any creature is immensely physically taxing, even when you're not getting bashed in the face with A BATTLESHIP HELD LIKE A BASEBALL BAT.

 

3. Why is the plan to punch and bodyslam the Kaiju, instead of shooting at them from afar?

Jaegars were humanity's best plan to deal with the Kaiju - big punching, bodyslamming robots controlled by two people. This isn't necessarily THE WORST idea, but when you have an infinitely better idea that's already being implemented, what is going on? It's SO DANGEROUS to put your billion-dollar, not-in-huge-supply giant robots in close combat with monsters created to tear shit up. Punching and bodyslamming should be an absolute last resort - but it seems to be pretty much the first resort for everyone.

Gipsy Danger, an older Jaegar, has TWO PLASMA CANNONS. Why not be shooting these from as far away as possible to decimate the Kaiju BEFORE you get up close and personal? And heck, why not have SO MANY MORE PLASMA CANNONS ALL OVER?

 

4. Wait, what the hell is the plan with building coastal walls?

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The UN decides to de-fund the Jaegar program (which, while pretty stupid to spend billions in wrasslin' robots that almost never use their plasma cannons, at least works some of the time) in favor of giant walls covering the coastlines of major cities. Couple problems with this plan.

Even in the world of the movie, the plan demonstrably doesn't work at all. Every wall that's been put to the test against a Kaiju has failed. Jaegars out-punch Kaijus SOME of the time at least. Plus, the walls wouldn't deal with the Kaiju at all - just hope that they'd leave certain areas alone and wander around the bottom of the ocean forever, I guess?

The bigger issue is that it's INSANE to think you can build enough walls to cover ALL of the coastlines of the Pacific Ocean. In the United States alone, the Pacific coastline is over 7,000 miles long. And if you only walled off major cities, the Kaiju could make landfall in a billion other spots and sneak up from behind (these walls were specifically just built up across the coasts, not walling in cities entirely). It seems like a decision made just so the Jaegar Pals could seem like scrappy underdogs, not one that anyone facing extinction via enormous monster would ever make.

 

5. YO MAKO, YOU HAD SWORDS THE WHOLE TIME?

 

MAKO WHY DIDN'T YOU BRING OUT THOSE SWORDS AT THE START OF THE FIGHT?! WHY DID YOU WAIT TIL YOU WERE BEING FLUNG INTO SPACE??

 

6. Stacker Pentecost? Raleigh Becket? Herc Hansen? Mako Mori? Hannibal Chau? HOW IS NO ONE IN THE MOVIE BLOWN AWAY BY THESE NAMES?

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Okay, Hannibal Chau explains that he just picked his own name, based on the military commander Hannibal and his favorite restaurant in Brooklyn, so that makes sense, but everyone else in this world has super-cool names and NO ONE ACTS LIKE THAT'S A BIG DEAL. I get that there are more important matters at hand, but if you meet someone named STACKER PENTECOST and he's a GIANT ROBOT COMMANDER, you should be goddamn impressed as shit. Not only is he a cool robot general AND Idris Elba - but he also has the coolest name imaginable.