1. Why Does the Asshole in the Bar Think He Should Try To Bully the Buffest Guy He's Ever Met?

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Throughout Clark's life on Earth, he seems to draw the ire of every bully possible. I dunno about you, but the last people I ever saw getting bullied in life were the incredibly handsome, extremely buff, super nice people. People like Clark Kent/Superman. You don't bully them because:

  1. I mean, c'mon, LOOK HOW HANDSOME HE IS.
  2. He's also crazy strong. He's so much stronger than you. Christ.
  3. He's just being nice.
  4. HIS PINKY MUSCLES ARE BIGGER THAN YOUR FACE.

One such instance is when Clark is working in an Alaskan bar. He intervenes when a very short, weak-looking asshole is getting too handsy with a waitress. The weak-looking asshole, who is SUPREMELY confident in himself for some reason, decides to throw a pitcher of beer in the face of FUCKING SUPERMAN. I have no idea why everyone sees this guy and figures "yeah, this is someone I could push around." Even after the asshole attempts to shove Clark (and fails, because HE'S TRYING TO SHOVE FUCKING SUPERMAN), he tries chucking a beer can at the back of his head. WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO ACCOMPLISH HERE, DUDE? Get your truck impaled on an electrical pole?

Because, if so, pretty smart strategy.

 

2. Why Does Pa Kent Tell Clark He Should Have Let a Busful of Kids Die?

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Pa Kent's got his hands full with Clark, I get it. The kid's an alien! This guy's a simple farmer, he has no idea how to handle that. But implying that it would be better to let a bus filled with kids die instead of risking letting people know he's unusually strong is some insane morals to instill on your child. His reasoning is also pretty weird - he thinks people won't accept him into society if they find out he's "different." Uh, no offense, Pa, but if I found out there was a super-strong guy who could save kids from drowning, I think society would be totally on-board with that situation. Regardless, probably always a good idea to teach your kid that saving people is a nice thing to do.

Luckily, Pa Kent really drives home the "holy shit this is the most confusing and awful day of my life ever" for young Clark by informing him RIGHT AFTER that "oh btw you're an alien, pretty weird, huh."

 

3. What Was Pa Kent Thinking When He Tried To Rescue the Dog in the Tornado?

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GODDAMMIT PA KENT. Listen, you have some really awful lessons to teach your kid, but it would still be better for everyone involved if you didn't get sucked up by a tornado for no reason.

Here's the turning point: Pa Kent and Clark are standing in the exact same spot. The dog has been left in the car, like, 20 feet away. Pa Kevin Costner decides HE'S the one who should go rescue the dog, not his super-strong, super-fast son. Of course, the old man has a real hard time getting the dog out, and is left in a position where he's pretty much boned and definitely gonna get sucked up by the tornado. Clark moves to rescue him, but Pa Kev puts up his hand, as to say "No way, better to let me die than to risk showing off your powers." Then he dies.

First off, Clark should have been sent to get the dog. Duh. It's not like Clark had to use his top-level super-speed. Just running at slightly-faster than most people would have drawn no attention at all and would have guaranteed he'd get to the dog faster and more safely. Second, he could have easily rescued his dad without anyone noticing by running at top speed and moving Pa Kent to a safer location. He woulda just been a blur!

WHY DOES PA KENT MAKE ALL THE WORST DECISIONS?

 

4. Why Wouldn't Superman Give Zod the Codex and Tell Them to Terraform Mars (or ANY OTHER PLANET)?

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Both Superman and Zod take some pretty unreasonable stances. Superman refuses to give up the codex (which would require, like, a single drop of blood or something? They're pretty vague about it, but apparently it was just blasted into his cells - and Jor-El did it, so he had to be pretty sure it could be extracted without killing his kid) and Zod is INSISTENT on terraforming Earth, even though he makes it pretty clear that they can terraform any planet into Krypton with the world engine machines.

So, why not this for a compromise - Superman, give up a single drop of blood so these weirdos can go rebuild their stupid civilization. Zod, there's another perfectly terraformable planet RIGHT NEXT TO THIS ONE and it has no life on it. So, you don't have to murder trillions of lifeforms AND you won't get any resistance from a handsome buff dude who thinks the letter "S" means "hope."

 

5. Wait - If Zod Had a Machine That Could Just TURN Planets Into Krypton, Why Didn't They Just Abandon the Original Krypton and Make a New One?

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Oh yeah, wait. This is dumb. If they had the ability to terraform planets into perfect recreations of Krypton...why didn't they just do that to begin with, instead of letting their planet and entire civilization die? They used these things on their colonies, and had a ton of them just lying around apparently (since Zod was able to find them). So they had these machines sitting idly, I guess, and never thought to USE them? No wonder that whole civilization died. Too bad about the dragon-mounts though.

 

6. Couldn't Superman At Least ATTEMPT To Not Destroy Metropolis?

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Much ado has been made about this, but seriously - Superman never even really tries to move the battle to a less heavily populated area. Like, he could have tried luring Zod out of the city limits, uppercutting him into space, or a million other things. Instead, he keeps tackling Zod into huge buildings and causing spaceships to crash in a downtown area still filled with people.

 

7. Clark Has ZERO Journalism Experience and Has Been Living As a Drifter For the Past Decade. Why Would Perry White Hire Him?!

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Clark Kent has no journalism degree, or even hints at any experience in journalism. Hell, he's spent something like the last decade with NOTHING on his resume, as he's been living as an anonymous drifter. Yet Perry White just up and hires this guy? Why-

Oh wait, it's probably because 95% of his employees died horrible deaths in the Battle of Metropolis and he'll take anyone he can get. Nevermind. This one makes sense.