1. Ygritte let Gilly and her baby live (but Sam doesn't know that)

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Meanwhile the Night's Watch wonders how they'll defend the Wall against 100,000 wildlings with only 100-something members. I dunno guys, but I think the SEVEN HUNDRED FOOT WALL OF ICE might help a little.

 

2. Grey Worm + Missandei 4eva

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Tough life for eunuchs in this show. Grey Worm has the asexual hots for Missandei (although HOW badly castrated he got is still in question), and Theon's life continues to be a horrible world of mindfuckery.

 

3. So long, Ser Jorah of House Nice Guy

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So Jorah's season one spying on Daenerys has finally come back to bite him in the ass. And despite his protests that he was a "nice guy" and "was way nicer than the jerks you usually date", Jorah was sent packing, and all because the Westeros post office is the slowest mail service in the world. Seriously, it took 3 seasons to mail that pardon?!

 

4. Sansa rescues Uncle Pedophile

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Sansa gives a gut-wrenching recount of the events that led to her Aunt Lysa's death, and about 90% of it or so was true (everything except how pedophile-y the kiss was and how exactly Lysa fell several thousand feet). So now it's her, Littlefinger, and formula-fed Robyn against the world.

 

5. Ramsay Snow got legitimized

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For taking Moat Cailin (well, for getting Theon to trick everyone there to walk into a slaughter) Ramsay Snow got a new surname. HA! Eat THAT, Jon Snow! Your dad coulda just made you a real son whenever he wanted but he DIDN'T.

Anyways, the North is even more fucked than usual this episode.

 

6. Arya and the Hound finally made it to the Vale!

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And...no one cares? The Hound AND Arya are both, like, the two MOST WANTED people in Westeros right now. Even if her aunt is dead, they should still be like "well come inside for a second and we'll see if we can ransom you off for all the money ever" or something.

 

7. Sansa's takin' charge!

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Hey Robyn, check out your newly fashionable cousin / future bride.

 

8. Jaime and Tyrion had one last chat before the battle

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Tyrion and Jaime, best bros, just talking about metaphors for the plight of the common folk by way of their mentally-handicapped cousin, who spent all day smashing beetles.

 

9. The Red Viper bested The Mountain and totally won!

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10. Wait. No. Shit. SHIT. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

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Uh, refs? That was TOTALLY a technical foul or something.