1. Luke Skywalker (Star Wars)
Scenario: Luke's shots missed and the Death Star successfully blew up Yavin IV
Oh, you turned off your targeting computer because a VOICE IN YOUR HEAD told you to? Jeez, that sounds an awful lot like something an INSANE PERSON WOULD DO. But most insane people don't hold the fates of an entire PLANET in their hands. You were the LAST HOPE of the Rebellion at that moment - and you chose to "listen to your gut" instead of using highly-advanced spacefighter computing systems? ALSO THIS WAS YOUR FIRST TIME EVER FLYING ONE OF THESE, YA JERK, SO MAYBE TRUST THE COMPUTER THAT WAS DESIGNED FOR THIS VERY THING INSTEAD OF A PTSD VOICE IN YOUR HEAD.
2. Frodo Baggins (The Lord of the Rings)
Scenario: Frodo's attempt to sneak into Mordor undetected failed, and the One Ring of Power is back in the hands of Sauron
Hey, nice try, kid. I mean, I don't know WHERE you got the idea that YOU would be the best choice to hold on to the most destructive and powerful item on the face of the planet, seeing as you're a defenseless babyman with hairy feet who trusts a literal monster who went completely insane years ago obsessing over the very thing you're trying to destroy. I mean, did an entire COUNCIL of people really let your plan happen? You slipped into a magic coma the first time you had to fight ANYTHING - why would they think you would be the ideal choice to hold onto this thing and drop it into the Fantasy Nazi Headquarters Volcano? But yeah, otherwise, nice try.
3. Neo (The Matrix)
Scenario: Neo tried to fight Agent Smith, and got killed
Yo Neo - remember that time someone told you that Agents were unbeatable, unstoppable, unavoidable murder-machines? Excuse me - the MULTIPLE times that was explained to you. I know you wanted to "take a stand" - but WOW was that a bad decision. They were MADE by the computer simulation YOU WERE IN. They have a pretttttttttty huge advantage there. Also - they can move superfast and take over ANY BODY THEY WANT. What were you banking on happening? Dying and being mysteriously resurrected and hoping you could "see" the code of the Matrix and make the Agents explode into green chunks? Because that is straight up stupid.
4. Katniss Everdeen (The Hunger Games)
Scenario: The Gamemakers didn't stop Katniss, and allowed her and Peeta to commit suicide with poison berries
Whoa, nice going Katniss! You pretty much had The Hunger Games won and then you threaten suicide to save PEETA? That dipwad?! He was actively helping to hunt you for half the games, and actively holding you back for the other half. And why? Because he gave you some shitty bread once? Why would you fuck with this - if you would just win, you could have kept your district fed for months. You're gonna risk everything for beta bitch Peeta - who, by the way, has been a totally useless piece of dead weight when he wasn't actively trying to murder you? Now you're dead and everyone in your district will starve to death. AWESOME JOB.
5. Spider-Man (Spider-Man 2)
Scenario: Spider-Man was unable to stop Doc Ock's homemade sun
Dude, Doctor Octopus was building A SUN in that warehouse. What did you think your "spider powers" were gonna do against a ball of NUCLEAR FUSION? "Pretty strong webbing" isn't gonna compete with a mass that has its own field of gravity and generates heat of nearly 6000 Kelvin on its surface (which translates to the Farenheit equivalent of "REALLY FUCKING HOT"), so just...get the fuck out. Why did you not just get the fuck out? Do you know what happens when suns are MADE on a planet? Well, you do now because YOU AND ALL OF NEW YORK GOT DESTROYED BY A SUN.