In a show like Game of Thrones, murder, sex, and all manner of gruesome behavior is pretty much the norm. How can sex still shock you when the pilot ended with an incestual royal affair being caught by a minor (who was then shoved out of a tower by a knight)? How can murder still shock you when the main character of the show was killed in season one - and season two began with a bunch of babies getting stabbed? How can a character dying at a wedding shock you when the same thing happened three episodes prior?
Really - the things that would be shocking on other shows simply AREN'T all that surprising on Game of Thrones. Here are the things that DID shock us.
10. No one was concerned whether or not the live doves hidden inside the giant pie pooped a bunch in there!
I mean, if I chopped open a giant pie and a bunch of doves flew out, I'd be pretttttttty worried about how much bird poop was in there. I imagine probably a lot.
9. Ser Davos is making great progress with his literacy!
It's just that his teacher is, ya know, a small child. The first word Shireen tried teaching him was "Aegon." AEGON. A word that begins with a diphthong. That is just probably the worst way to get used to reading, yet in a couple months he's already doing pretty good. Reading is important, guys!
8. The outside walls of Meereen have EXCELLENT acoustics!
Look how far away Daenerys is from everyone - yet her shouting is heard very clearly by everyone! As someone who once tried to yell across a park to an ice cream truck, lemme tell ya that that's not how reality works.
Then again, Daenerys DOES make excellent use of facial expressions:
7. Oberyn Martell's outfit isn't all that conducive to his lifestyle!
Oberyn Martell is one of the more fun characters introduced this late in the game to the show - he's a pan-sexual, vengeance-driven bad boy who lets his passions run wild. That being said, maybe start wearing some looser clothing or something with a different material, bud. You're always sex-ing or stabbing, so that body length silk robe has gotta get real sweaty and covered in bodily fluids, like, all the time.
6. The show expects us to remember who Ser Dontos is!
Oh yeah, the guy who showed up for 90 seconds for the beginning of one episode TWO YEARS AGO? Sure, like I remember who THAT guy is! (I actually do since I read the books and he has a larger presence in the books and also I spend like 3 hours a day on A Wiki of Ice and Fire - but if you only watch the show, you're kinda boned)
5. Sam is, like, always sweating.
You live in the coldest place in the world, dude. I don't care how fat you are, you should be freezing all the time. Unless your hair is just crazy greasy? But even then the grease shouldn't be that wet - it should be frozen solid. You people are living in Disney's Frozen but with zombies instead of delightful snowmen.
4. Arya didn't take any to-go chicken like The Hound did.
You just helped murder a ROOM FULL OF DUDES for those chickens, Arya. Why not take a bunch extra? Given you're walking towards what looks like the apocalypse, you could probably use some extra food in your belly.
3. Bran and pals got involved in an ACTUAL PLOTLINE!
Whoa, the show doing something with Bran that isn't "having weird dreams" and "growing way too fast for the show's timeline"? I'm not even sure how this is possible.
2. Theon is pretty good at shaving others!
Like, it's pretty hard to shave people that cleanly even when you HAVEN'T been tortured a bunch and had your wiener chopped off and just been told your best bud was betrayed and murdered. Plus - shaving cream is a thing that exists in Westeros? That's kinda surprising, right? I mean, they've been stuck in the Middle Ages for a couple thousand years with no technological progress, so who knows what they would actually have.
1. Ser Pounce is only the SECOND most adorable creature on the show (behind Podrick, d'aww)
HIS NAME IS SER POUNCE. That's friggin' adorable. However - Podrick. He's so naive and loyal and earnest that he's more adorable than the most adorable cat in the Seven Kingdoms...WHOSE NAME IS SER POUNCE BY THE WAY.
But - I mean, c'mon - PODRICK.