Some of our most popular superheroes aren't super at all: they weren't born with special powers, never gained powers via some freak accident, and must rely completely on ingenuity and hard work to succeed. They're just like us!

Except...they absolutely aren't. The "superhero without superpowers" deal sounds nice, until you realize that every single one of them is naturally leveled up to the point where they become superpowered by default. No actual human could possess or accomplish what these people do, so the implication that these people are powerless, yet still super somehow, is pure bullshit.

So what amazing powers does your favorite non-powered hero possess? 100% of the time, they'll boast one or more of the following ...

 

1. Endless, Obscene Wealth

5 Reasons The NonSuperpowered Superhero Thing Is Bullshit

It's generally accepted that non-powered heroes need oodles of cash to make their violent hobby work. But even the richest of the rich have limits to their wealth; only about a hundred people on Earth have more than $10 billion in the piggy bank, after all. If anyone else were to spend money recklessly on some super-secret hero lifestyle, they'd be broke before they knew it. Even the super-rich would have trouble balancing their checkbook after a while, and once they start having to gather dimes to buy a Big Mac, they'd probably reconsider blowing another $15,000,000 on a camouflaging fighter jet.

But people like Bruce Wayne and Tony Stark do not have this problem. Not only are they ludicrously rich, but they stay ludicrously rich, and actually get ludicrously richer despite blowing untold amounts of cash on everything-proof armor, vehicles more powerful than every military tank on the planet combined, elaborate hideaways that are more difficult to access than Disney's Club 33, high-tech weapons, computers that can do literally anything, and sky-high medical bills.

Are they ever even hurting for money one teensy tiny bit? Of course not! Their businesses never fail (and if they do, they quickly come bck and their fortunes remain as mysteriously limitless as ever.) They have the power to piss money away and, as anyone who has struggled to keep the lights on or put food on the table can tell you, that might be the greatest superpower of all.

 

2. Ludicrously Genius Intellect

5 Reasons The NonSuperpowered Superhero Thing Is Bullshit

Everybody makes mistakes, and nobody knows everything. This is a universal law accepted by all but the most egotistical of edgy 15-year-olds. Even the most genius of geniuses dum-dum from time to time, and that's OK. They're human, just like us, and are imperfect, just like us. Unless, of course, they're superheroes. Even without magical powers, their brains' ability to devise the perfect solution to any problem, at any time, is all the power they need.

Probably the best example of this is Barbara "Batgirl" Gordon. She was already considered a genius master fighting warrior on the level of Bruce Wayne, until she ended up paralyzed thanks to a gunshot from the Joker. That, for the record, constituted one of the only times a supposed evil mastermind stepped away from his bombs, poisonous gases, and convoluted traps, and finally thought, "well shit, why don't I just shoot the guy?" Occam makes a better razor than Gillette ever could.

So what does Barbara do? She becomes a computer whiz codenamed Oracle, who has the uncanny ability to make her computer do anything she wants, and gather any speck of information she needs. Errors? Malware? 12-year-old neighbor hijacking your wi-fi to download porn faster? None of this happens in a super-world.

The worst thing that happens to heroes like this is that it might sometimes take a little longer to devise a solution to the problem at hand than they'd have liked. But it's never too long -- they've got rogues to arrest, after all.

 

3. Mastery Of Every Fighting Style Ever Invented

5 Reasons The NonSuperpowered Superhero Thing Is Bullshit

If you're an expert boxer, you're awesome. If you're a world champion wrestler, you're awesome. If you're a 10th level Kung-Fu black belt, you're stupidly awesome. Now, if you can do all those things, along with jujitsu, ninjitsu, gymnastics, bare-knuckle brawling, melee weaponry, and muay thai, among countless other fighting styles, you might just be a powerless superhero. (cue Jeff Foxworthy's attorneys)

Depending on who's writing what story, and how the story needs to be told, regular Joe heroes can fight in just about every manner imaginable. And, because they're super and all, they don't just know enough to get by. No, they are undisputed experts in every fighting field they attempt, almost by osmosis.  It's like all they have to do is hear about it and they're good to go. "Muay Thai, huh? Sounds neat *KICK WHAP SLAM CHOP* Well, that was simple. Off to fuck supermodels."

If any of us wanted to learn one stinking martial art, it would take years of devoted, almost obsessive practice. And even then we might not be very good at it, especially if we celebrated our 10th black belt with ten Black and Tans. Superheroes though? They can pull off dozens of totally different fighting styles in the prime of their lives (sometimes earlier, like when a 12-year-old Robin kicks more as than Bruce Lee ever could) without even trying. Meanwhile, we struggle to adjust if the spouse accidentally buys one-ply toilet paper instead of the humane two.