Theory Corner: Game of Thrones  

 

Few TV shows inspire the passionate debating and theorizing as Game of Thrones - and as someone who's seen the first 40 minutes of the pilot, I can see why! There are so many characters and relationships and locations to keep track of. And with the new season premiering soon, I thought I might share some of my most well-thought out theories with you. Enjoy!

 

1. I think Joffrey might be the child of Cersei and HER BROTHER!

Theory Corner: Game of Thrones

Okay, I know this seems a little out there, but hear me out: we know Cersei and her brother have some kind of "VERY SPECIAL" relationship, we know that everyone in the Lannister family is blonde, AND we know that both Joffrey and Tyrion are like pretty close to the same height. Coincidence? Methinks NOT!

In other words, Cersei and Tyrion have definitely been boning. They should call this show Game of Bones! (because, seriously, there's a lot of sex AND like skeleton bones laying around)

 

2. Daenerys' brother is totally gonna be in Westeros as king by next season

  Theory Corner: Game of Thrones

Let's face it - Viserys is DESTINED to be king. He's got a giant army of nomadic warriors, his not-badass-at-all sister is just some nobody who won't matter at all to the story, AND he's plain ol' the best ruler. He traded ONE useless sister for an ENTIRE ARMY! This guy knows how to make a deal. Something tells me he'll be drowning in gold before long (metaphorically-speaking, because he'll be rich and the king).

 

3. That Theon guy? Gonna have a dick forever. Definitely not getting it chopped off.

  Theory Corner: Game of Thrones

That Theon kid is totally gonna have a dick forever. He's gonna use his dick and remain loyal to the Stark family and never be tortured for a whole season. That'd just be dumb.

 

4. Ned Stark? More like HEAD Stark! Because he's got a good head that he too will have forever.

Theory Corner: Game of Thrones

If any character on this show has a good head, it's Ned Stark. He's rational, measured, patient, and wise - ain't no way he'd ever lose his head! I mean, he beheads a guy in the first episode, it would be way too ironic for him to get his head chopped off towards the end of the season.

 

5. Those ice zombies are definitely gonna invade Westeros within like two episodes. Why would they spend the entire opening scene showing them if they weren't gonna invade ASAP? At the very least, it won't take them over three years. 100% guaranteed. Chop off my dick if I'm wrong, unlike Theon - WHO THAT SHIT WILL NEVER HAPPEN TO!!!

Theory Corner: Game of Thrones

Pretty sure I said all I need to say.