This week, we're sharing real embarrassing creations from our readers' past. If you have a moment so nerdy that you need to tell the Internet about it, we want you to send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.
When I was a young lad, I used to dream of becoming a game designer.
Unfortunately, any programming language beyond BASIC seemed way too complex to me, so to satiate my appetite for creativity I decided to take some film courses instead.
My passion for video games was still very strong, though, so I thought: "Why not combine the two?"
With too much spare time on my hands and no budget whatsoever, I decided to create a tribute to classic video games. What I ended up making making was lots of drawings and animations in Photoshop and filming myself flailing around like an idiot in front of a makeshift green screen.
For my senior year in high school we had to do a presentation on Dante's Inferno. My buddies and I had the brilliant idea to make a movie, recapping the events in the story using our "expert" tech skills. After an hour's worth of Macromedia Flash tutorials we were the masters of animation and tweening.
Virgil and Dante were represented only as stick figures with word baloons and almost everything else was photoshopped in. After countless weekends of animating the project wasn't even close to finished and we eventually started phoning it in. The final scene was a test pattern with the text "It is at this point that the footage ends. It is believed that Geryon would not allow flash photography or video recording devices beyond the seventh circle."
There were plenty of random stolen movie quotes peppered in and the dialogue was so bad, it makes me question the intelligence of humanity. The animation turned into a 10 minute cinematic disaster that rivals The Room in the number of questionable decisions. Despite that, we still got an A+ on the assignment and I lost a little bit of my soul in the process. I'm sure there is a special circle of hell that I will be going to for that travesty.
Here are a few screenshots that should let you know the kind of quality we put in to that creation.
[This next submission is from a very specific embarrassing genre, 'the LOL RAND0M sprite comic' . One of the more horrifying and shameful artforms spawned by teenagers and the internet, these things are more cringe-y than xanga journals, myspace band pages, and youtube reaction videos COMBINED. Kudos to reader "Coin" who bravely volunteered their work to the alter of our collective rememberance. -Ed.]
What a stupid teenager I was. I thought I was hilarious, when I was actually really stupid. I look at some of my forum posts and wince. My avatar is even a quote from a Twilight book. Yargh. I even went so far as posting stuff that wasn't mine, I didn't understand the concept of credits and sources. Here is a chapter from my failed webcomic "Random Insane Sprite Comic". Yes, that was its actual title.
[This one pushes the definition of "creation" but it definitely falls under the umbrella of "embarrassing". So for the sake of this week's topic, I'm going to consider this a "performance art piece on the nature of mankinds inhumanity to itself". -Ed.]
Years ago, I shared a house with several other like-minded nerds. Among the normal household expenses we split, there was one that was so dumb, I can't believe we weren't found by EMTs in diabetic comas.
Our Mountain Dew fund was the stuff of legends. We had a mini-fridge dedicated solely to keeping it cold for our Dungeons and Dragons sessions. If a new flavor came out, we tried it. And we memorialized each and every case we went through by papering our living room walls with them.
This photo, I think, sums it up quite nicely.
I hope you enjoyed that Whitman's Sampler of regret we received this week. If you were inspired to send your own schadenfreude-addled work, we'll definitely be doing this again, so keep sending in those poems, comics, drawings, and videos! For next week let's open up the topic to be about true tales of nerdery. Do you have a story you've been waiting to tell us, but haven't had the chance? Now's the time to do it! It's all for a segment we're calling Pwn Up: Geek of the Week.