After over 850,000 votes of the most twisted and evil villains in videogame history, you - THE VOTER (aka NOT THE WRITER OF THIS ARTICLE) - have decided the top 20 virtual bad guys ever. Don't agree with the results (which, again, are not the choices of me, the guy writing this)? Sound off below about why YOUR favorite evil clown was unfairly ranked!
20. Dysentery (The Oregon Trail)
There are many deadly enemies in the original edutainment hit, Oregon Trail: river fordings, meager rations, Mrs. Henderson making you leave the computer lab - but none come close to the danger of dysentery. Really, there's not much you can do to avoid dysentery other than sleep and eat a lot - and it could still strike even then. It's random and unavoidable and can wipe out members of your party like it's nothing. At least with river crossings, you have the CHOICE whether or not you want to ford it (and guarantee losing one of your travel pals). Dysentery is cruel and unstoppable - murderous and unfeeling...
Kind of like "you" when you see a buffalo during a hunt. C'mon dude - you've already hit 400 lbs. this round, you KNOW you can't carry any more back.
19. Master Hand (Super Smash Bros.)
It's always a little weird to remember that Super Smash Bros. is essentially some kind of dark version of Toy Story - all the characters are toys that have come to life, but instead of form a makeshift society, they've decided to go all Fight Club with it and continuously battle each other to the death. And behind it all is Master Hand - who is either some kind of divinely-gifted sentient hand, or the representation of a child's hand who is playing with his Nintendo-themed toys.
Let's all hope "Toy Story meets Fight Club" is actually how Smash Bros. was originally pitched.
18. Kefka (Final Fantasy VI)
It's the most iconic psycho clown villain who just wants to watch the world burn - that's right, Final Fantasy VI's Kefka. The bizarre thing about Kefka is that - at the beginning - Kefka's not much of a villain - he's a court mage, a little respected weirdo hanging around and trying to stir up a little trouble. There are hints of him being capable of terrible things - memories of him enslaving Terra, the burning of Figaro Castle - but nothing compared to the things he does next. First, he poisons a water supply, killing hundreds of people indiscriminately. Then he gathers all the magicite from dead espers (with a little help from AN ESPER GENOCIDE he creates) he can find before ascending to godhood and tearing the world apart.
And that's what makes Kefka truly special - not that he's a merciless psychopath, not that he has an insatiable thirst for power, but that he wins. He becomes a GOD and RIPS THE WORLD TO SHREDS. He kills untold espers and humans alike. He rules over the desolation for a full year (before, ya know, being killed).
He's easily the most evil, destructive clown since Ronald McDonald.
17. Shao Kahn (Mortal Kombat)
Perpetually shirtless, skull-wearing buff dude Shao Kahn is not very good at what he does - he keeps sticking to this weird plan to take over the realms via tournaments, instead of just saying "screw that" and laying waste to the world. However, he's pretty effective one-on-one - and is renowned as being one of the more difficult boss fights in videogame history (mostly thanks to his goddamn hammer AND THE COMPUTER BEING A BULLSHIT CHEATER ASSHOLE). And as a father, he really messed up - one of his daughters (not biological, mind you) has rebelled against his cause entirely and another (not biological and also a messed up clone, mind you) is just out of her mind crazy and has a monster jaw.
Plus, he's the one who keeps insisting people spell words that begin with a "c" with a "k" instead. "Konqueror?" C'mon, Shao, you KNOW that doesn't look right.
16. Vaas Montenegro (Far Cry 3)
"Did I ever tell you what the definition of insanity is?" asks Vaas repeatedly, before telling you that it's doing the same thing over and over and expecting shit to change...as he does the same thing over and over and is surprised that things don't change. Like many great villains, the terrifying thing about Vaas is how unpredictable he is - he's clearly just barely hanging on to whatever sanity he has left as he leads a mercenary group on a tropical island, kidnapping and murdering without remorse. He's such a great villain that after he's dispatched, the game loses a lot of its steam. If you didn't get the flying squirrel suit AFTER his death, it's hard to say whether there would be much of a point in continuing after he's gone.
Speaking of - the REAL definition of insanity is having a flying squirrel suit in the game but NOT giving it to the player right away.