Captain America: The Winter Soldier (extended)

Major takeaways:

  • "Metal arm?" Clearly a Jax/Mortal Kombat 3 rip-off.
  • That's Captain America comic scribe Ed Brubaker as the guy hangin' with a shirtless Winter Soldier
  • Characters on Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. should feel VERY nervous about their employment prospects.

 

 

The Amazing Spider-Man 2 (extended)

Major takeaways:

  • They clearly learned some lessons from Sam Raimi's Spider-Man 3 and Batman & Robin - namely: include as many villains as possible, because more villains always equals a better movie.
  • Jamie Foxx is basically Syndrome from the Incredibles, except with less stupid hair (or more stupid, it's hard to tell)
  • No emo/jazz dance sequence? Disappointing.

 

 

 Transformers: Age of Extinction

Major takeaways:

  • A robot riding a robot dinosaur!
  • CGI Mark Wahlberg looks almost lifelike
  • A ROBOT RIDING A ROBOT DINOSAUR.
  • Will this series be able to go on without the radiant star power of Shia LeBeouhahahahaha sorry can't say that with a straight face.
  • A ROBOT RIDING A ROBOT DINOSAURRRRR.

 

 

Need For Speed (extended)

Major takeaways:

  • Will this help Aaron Paul distance himself from Breaking Bad/Jesse Pinkman?
  • Answer: YEAH BITCH!
  • Actually, probably not.

 

 

Pompeii

Major takeaways:

  • Jon Snow has faced cold, now he faces the opposite of cold: volcano!
  • It's very likely his character is named Jon Volcano here.
  • I don't think they'll beat the volcano.