If you have a moment so nerdy that you need to tell the Internet about it, we want you to send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail


Pwn Up: Family Games Night



A couple of weeks before Mass Effect 3 was released here in the UK, I decided to play through the entire Mass Effect and Mass Effect 2 in preparation. It came to the day before ME3 release and all I had to do was the Collector's Base at the end of ME2. I must have only spent an hour or so on it, but I got really engrossed in it. When I finally finished it and the credits were rolling, I looked at my phone and saw 13 missed calls from my brother.

It turns out his wife had gone into labour and he had been calling me, so that I could drive them to the hospital, as per our agreement a week or so before. In the end, he'd given up and called a taxi. I felt so bad that I paid them for the taxi fair, and also took them out to dinner once they were comfortable enough to leave the baby at my parent's for an evening.


At the dinner, when we were finally alone together for the first time since the incident, he asked what I'd been doing that had gotten me so engrossed that I missed all 13 calls. So I loaned him Mass Effect and he's now as addicted as me...I don't think my sister-in-law is very happy with me at the moment. But oh well. Brotherly bonding FTW.






So, I come from a lower than middle class family, which can be straining when you're a gamer, especially in Brazil, where game consoles can cost an arm and a leg. My parents, especially my father, are unbelievably cheap, so in one of his legendary "agreements" he proposed that, if I managed to enter this super fancy scholarship only elite full-time high school, he would finally grant me the unbelievable boon of a Playstation 2. This was in Sep. '06, slightly before the PS3 came out.

So in an unprecedented event I worked hard and got accepted to that school, forcing him to spend US$300 on a second hand PS2... which he actually played more than me. The elite school was extremely demanding, and in the end he was the one playing until late at night with his friends, while I complained and asked them to keep it low because I had to wake up early in the morning to go to school.





Pwn Up: Family Games Night

I was about 11 when we finished building our house and celebrated with our family. My 17-year old cousin was suckered into playing GoldenEye with me and my 6-year old sister.  Unfortunately for him, I played the game constantly and my sister had played against me so much that she had gotten pretty good in her own right. My poor cousin was incessantly slaughtered in match after match, and he grew increasingly more frustrated as he was torn to pieces by two children whose combined ages barely reached his own. Eventually, I sat back and let my sister not only beat him on her own, but beat him while simultaneously giving him instructions on how to do better (e.g. "Don't open that door, Seth, I'm behind it!")


Around lunch-time, we realized that my cousin was nowhere to be found. After a little searching, we found him in my room with the door shut, practicing in single player while everyone else ate lunch so that he could defeat my little sister when we came back in to play.


He never won a single match against her. I have rarely been more proud of my little sister.






Pwn Up: Family Games Night

[Just going to interject here because this week we recieved at least a dozen stories about the heartbreak when a family member erases your hard-earned save files. A unique kind of betrayal where you cry your eyes out while the offender has no idea what they did, unable to understand the suffering they caused. Unlockables were re-locked, quests were un-completed, and entire graveyards were filled with rare lvl. 100 Pokemon. However, this e-mail broke the mold, it's the only story written from the perspective of the culprit themselves, and that's special. -Ed.]


Back when I was 12 I received a PS2 for my birthday and one of the games I got for it was Final Fantasy X. I had played through most of the game when my sister wanted to start a game on it as well. We only had 1 memory card so we made sure we were careful when saving. One weekend my sister was out of town and I was playing when I accidentally saved over her saves thinking there were mine. By the time I realized it was too late. They were gone forever.

Because she was going to be gone for the next three days, I ended up starting a brand new game and played nonstop trying to get back to the spot where she was (which was at Zanarkand after Gagazet, pretty far in). I managed to make it there with hours to spare and she never suspected a thing even though her characters were stronger than when she last played. She still doesn't know the ordeal I went through to this day. I bought a new memory card the next day.





Pwn Up: Family Games Night


Okay so when I was about 11 years old I was playing Mortal Kombat: Deception on my Xbox. I was playing the Konquest mode and I had been stuck on one fight towards the end of the game for a solid hour and a half. Eventually I got mad and threw my controller at the wall, which completely destroyed it on impact. We had just moved into our house at the time so my Xbox and TV were sitting on a crate in my room. My brother came home, found the broken controller and gave me a huge lecture on controlling my anger. So a few minutes later he decided to play Need For Speed: Underground. He lost ONE race and Spartan kicked my TV off of the crate it was sitting on. Needless to say I was pissed but was laughing too hard to do anything about it.




Family matters, right folks? For next week's edition of Pwn Up, we want to hear about your WTF Moments. Did you stumble across a yiff pile at your last con? Did you pick up a hitchhiker who thought he was Captain Olimar? Did an online gaming experiece weird you out in such a profound way you're still scratching your head? We'll call it Pwn Up: Whiskey Tango Foxtrot