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Mountain Dew Cheetos is a thing. No, this is not a joke: MOUNTAIN DEW CHEETOS IS NOW OFFICIALLY A THING. How did it come to this, you ask? We've got the transcript right here...

 

  1. Executive 1

    You know what? Fuck it. Mountain Dew Cheetos. BOOM.

  2. Executive 2

    Ha ha, very funny, Jerry. Now back to business -

  3. Executive 1

    No, I'm dead serious. Mountain Dew Cheetos. Cheetos that taste like that radioactive-green, vaguely-citrus slime we call "Dew."

  4. Executive 2

    That's insane, Jerry. We're trying to sell food products, not parody them.

  5. Executive 1

    I'm sick of it. Why are we beating around the bush here? These people want powder-y, sodium-packed snacks and a soda that's too fucking lazy to spell "Mountain." Let's save everyone a step and just mash 'em together.

  6. Executive 2

    That's going too far, Jerry. I didn't say anything when we made those Doritos tacos, but I gotta put my foot down here. I mean, what would it even taste like?

  7. Executive 1

    I'll tell you what it'll taste like...

  8. (Executive 1 punches Executive 2 in the gut, knocking him to his knees)
  9. Executive 1

    IT'LL TASTE LIKE 'WHO GIVES A SHIT?'

  10. Executive 2

    You've lost it, Jer. You've lost your goddamn mind...

  11. Executive 1

    No. I'm the only one seeing things clearly. Our customers are getting lazier by the second - we need to get ahead of them. Shoving a handful of Cheetos in their mouth and then chugging a 2 liter of Mtn Dew? Far too much effort.

  12. Executive 2

    You'll never get away with this...

  13. Executive 1

    Oh, but I already have. And this is just the beginning. Toilet couches, so you don't have to get up and go to the bathroom when friends are over. Genital videogame controllers, so you can masturbate AND play videogames at the same time. And what will people be eating during all of this? Mountain Dew Cheetos. They'll praise me. I'll be a god to them.

  14. Executive 2

    You're a son of a bitch, Jerry. Do you know what you've done?!

  15. Executive 1

    ...I did the dew, motherfucker.