You know Google? That fun-loving, carefree internet mom 'n pop operation from The Internship, where everyone just spends all day goofin' off and making neat websites for you and I to use for free? They're very quickly becoming SkyNet (that malevolent, world-destroying, Austrian-robot-creating doom-computer from The Terminator series). No matter what Owen Wilson/Vince Vaughn buddy comedies would have you believe, Google wants to control everything and know everything. But we already knew that, and as long as they're giving us better search results than Bing, who cares?
What if I told you Google just got in the Murder-Robot business?
Well, maybe not technically Murder-Robots (yet), but definitely robots that could be capable of murdering you at some point in the future. You see, Google just bought Boston Dynamics, a company that builds terrifying robots (and sounds an awful lot like another evil corporation, Fringe's Massive Dynamic):
"So what?" you say. "These are just some crummy, barely functional prototype robots that will probably just be used for transporting stuff, not murdering the last remnants of humanity after a nuclear holocaust known as 'Judgment Day' wipes the planet of all life except for a small resistance led by John Connor."
To which we would say: "Hey, let's go watch T2: Judgment Day."
To which you would say: "Oh yeah, definitely. That movie totally holds up."
Then we would go watch it, and ya know what? It does totally hold up. Nice work, James Cameron.
But anyways, we maintain that Google will soon have the capabilities to become our world's SkyNet. Let's do a quick rundown of Google:
- Literally has the entire Earth mapped out (including military bases that are supposed to be top secret)? Check.
- Knows everything about all of us and is constantly tracking us? Check.
- Has armies of unmanned robot cars roaming the streets? Check.
- Unleashed a Owen Wilson/Vince Vaughn movie that is the cinematic equivalent of a nuclear holocaust? Double check.
- Has taken control of Kansas City's internet, with plans to expand? Check.
- Trying to lull humanity into a false sense of security by having us constantly on the web with dumb-looking glasses? Check.
- Building and experimenting with (potentially-murderous) robots? CHECK.
Before long, we'll be hearing about how Google's made connection with military computers and...wait, Boston Dynamics was a military contractor? Haha, well, at least Google's shown no interest in time trav....shit.
There's only one answer: Bing with me if you want to live. It won't be pretty, or easy, or enjoyable, but...it's the only way.