1. The Kings Have No Elvis Music

 

  7 Things That Still Bother Me About Fallout: New Vegas

Listen, I get it: the rights to Elvis' catalogue are expensive. Hell, even a single Elvis tune will run you a pretty penny (actually several million pennies) - pennies that the team at Obsidian couldn't afford. The problem was that Elvis is a huge fixture in the Las Vegas we know today, and is appropriately still being remembered in the far off videogame future depicted in New Vegas through a gang that all dress and speak like Elvis - The Kings. The weird thing is, you never hear any of Elvis' iconic music at any point in the game. Maybe it would have been worth the cash they'd have to dole out so that I wouldn't have to listen to "Johnny Guitar" another goddamn time when hanging out with Elvis impersonators.

 

2. Why Does Mr. House Make His Chamber Able To Be Opened At All?

7 Things That Still Bother Me About Fallout: New Vegas

Mr. House has gone to enormous lengths to ensure his survival - his casino is more well-guarded than Fort Knox, he has an army of robots at the ready, and he's even guaranteed himself immortality...so long as no one opens his chamber. Which you can do by hacking your way through a few doors and pressing a button. While there are some safety measures taken - why have doors leading to your chamber at all? Maybe if you're worried that the machinery would need repairs or something, I guess - but even then, your actual life support unit should DEFINITELY not be openable, especially not by untrustworthy mute couriers with bullet wounds in their skull.

 

3. I Can't Find Mr. New Vegas and Destroy Him For Continuously Playing "Johnny Guitar"

7 Things That Still Bother Me About Fallout: New Vegas

In Fallout 3, the radio DJ was Three-Dog - and if you didn't like him or his voice, you could kill him (if you were some kind of monster who hates wonderful things). But you could not kill (or even find) Mr. New Vegas, which means I have no one to punish for the worst song in the game constantly coming on.

 

4. NO ONE CARES THAT I KILLED CAESAR

  7 Things That Still Bother Me About Fallout: New Vegas

When New Vegas came out, a lot of hullabaloo was made of how much your choices and actions would affect the storyline and world in a much deeper, more significant way than in Fallout 3. You had reputations amongst the various factions of the Mojave that would affect one another, what you wore changed how people reacted to you, and you could align yourselves with different groups that would lead to radically different endings. So it's a little weird then that killing Caesar, the leader of the Legion, doesn't really affect anything.

You're not really supposed to kill him, but you can (which is nice). But you'd think killing the instigator of the entire conflict that drives New Vegas, supposed son of a god (amongst his people), and the founder of the largest army in the Mojave would have some effect beyond some minor dialogue changes.

 

5. New Vegas Is the Most Irritating Spot in the Game, and Also Sometimes "Johnny Guitar" Is Playing There

  7 Things That Still Bother Me About Fallout: New Vegas

You'd think a game called "Fallout: New Vegas" wouldn't make New Vegas itself be the most annoying part of the game, right? WRONG. First off, it's important to keep in mind how annoying and long the loading screens are (very). Loading screens are a necessary evil in games though, so you can't really get mad at just their existence. The problem is there's no way to fast travel into New Vegas' strip proper - you can only fast travel riiiight outside the gates, so after the fast travel load screen, you're immediately getting another one to get inside. And even then, the city is broken up into 3 sections, each about 1/10 as big as Whiterun from Skyrim. Why they couldn't have made the central location in the game a single, big city that you could fast travel to is beyond me.

Also they could have mimicked Skyrim's lack of Johnny Guitar's awful wailing that makes your ears bleed.

 

6. Oh, Just Fuck Cazadors (Especially When They're Attacking While "Johnny Guitar" is Playing)

  7 Things That Still Bother Me About Fallout: New Vegas

People complain about how buggy Fallout 3 and New Vegas were, but if you'd played the 90's isometric Fallouts, you'll know that the Bethesda Fallout games' bugs are sorta cuddly and adorable compared to the old school games constant crashing, corrupted save files, and broken quest lines. BUT - there is one unforgivable bug in Fallout: New Vegas, and that bug is the Cazador. I don't care how great a bug is, they shouldn't be able to take 20 bullets from any kind of gun and still have ¾ of their health. Well, if you have to deal with an unstoppable death-bug, at least "Big Iron" is playing on the radio when OH SHIT JOHNNY GUITAR JUST CAME ON FUCK FUCK FUCK

 

7. "JOHNNY GUITAR" IS THE WORST SONG IN THE WORLD

   7 Things That Still Bother Me About Fallout: New Vegas

I WILL SIDE WITH WHATEVER FACTION PROMISES TO DESTROY EVERY SINGLE COPY OF THIS GODDAMN SONG.