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Pwn Up: Friendship is Tragic


So back in the day my friends and I were having a Halo 2 match using nothing but shotguns and sniper rifles. We were all playing at my house and it was all on one TV. As such screen peeking was an issue, but as friends we tried not to peek in order to keep it competitive. I had found a great perch to snipe from and was doing my best when I noticed buddy Michael's player had stopped moving. I couldn't help myself and looked at his screen only to notice that he had a shotgun pointed right at someone's head at point blank range. By the time the light bulb flicked on and I realized what was happening I was dead. Now here's the kicker. In the game he had snuck up behind me, put the barrel right against my head, and then in real life he turned and waited for me to notice. Only when he saw my expression change did he blow my head off. In hindsight it was hilarious, but in that moment I got pissed and punched him in the shoulder as hard as I could.....and dislocated it. We popped it back in, but we decided to take a break from Halo for a while.




Pwn Up: Friendship is Tragic

My introduction to nerd culture came in the form of my childhood best friend Shane. The man is the reason that I write, design games, and why I'm a computer science major now. Oddly enough, though, our friendship was actually started from the least nerdy point possible: a fight.

He was poor like me, but he was also a minority (native american), and he was born with a hole in his heart, so it was pretty easy to single him out as a target. I was walking home one day, and found a couple guys fucking with him; I had been bullied all day at school, and that was the last straw. I was a 13 year old offensive lineman fueled by rage, with a good 100 pounds on each of them; you can guess what happened next. We spent the next couple years being best friends, and started making games together after school on his dinosaur of a pc, with him writing code and doing the art models, and me doing storylines and dialogue.


Best part of it all, he was a massive fan of Yuji Naka and Sonic The Hedgehog, so he gave me the nickname Knuckles because I liked to fight and I had a hell of a punch. I in turn dubbed him sonic, since he was so much faster than me and great at running away.




Pwn Up: Friendship is Tragic


One night in elementary school my friend and I were playing The Sims for gamecube, we were actually trying to do a serious play through and be successful at our work and to do that we needed to have friends. So we decided to have a pool party at our fenced off pool in our backyard. When the time came where everybody started leaving they couldn't because of the fence. They simply wouldn't walk through the house and you can't go into build mode while people are over. Thus, 7 sims died on our hands and in the 5th grade that was pretty traumatizing. We shared a bed that night, cried, and thought we were awful people. It is now one of the totems of our friendship. RIP Goth family.


-Tyler Z.


Pwn Up: Friendship is Tragic (blister-photo via imgur)

Mario Party is a dangerous game. Several of the mini games for one of the early Mario Parties for the N64 involved rotating the thumbstick in a circular fashion as quickly as possible. My good friend found he could achieve max spin velocity by putting the stick in the center of his palm and violently spin the stick as though he were waxing a car. His successful technique came at the expense of his epidermis. He tore through several layers of skin and created a nasty, raw, blistery area on his left hand, which was his baseball glove hand.


We were on the same baseball team, and the next day at practice, he told coach that he had injured his hand after he fell off a bike. Since we were having a lousy practice, Coach gave us a speech meant to inspire us about how my friend had scuffed up his hand while biking and still managed to give 110% to the team, so we should all do the same. I laughed so hard, and I kept laughing even after the coach made me run the bases for disrupting his pep talk. 




Ah, friendship. Horrible, violent, friendship. On the next edition of Pwn Up, we want to hear your stories about your craziest, most memorable moments from a fan convention. Win a crooked gaming tournament? Have a cosplay malfunction? Accidentally dropkick someone at the dance party? It's for a segment we're calling Pwn Up: Con Artists. As always, send your tales to dorklypwnup@gmail.com.