Ever had a moment so nerdy that you needed to tell the Internet about it? Send your submissions to dorklypwnup at gmail.
illustration by Michael Mayne
I've been in the pro wrestling business for a little over a year now, getting my feet wet in one of the most prominent territories in North America, Ohio Valley Wrestling, or, OVW. When the time finally came to pick an entrance theme to charge into battle to, I could think of nothing better than my go-to workout remix of Guile's Street Fighter theme. Anyone who recognizes the jam usually pops (cheers) big time, as it's certainly a dorky choice for an entrance theme.
One afternoon when I was a little kid, I was being a tough guy out in the backyard. I was showing off for my sister and doing all my awesome martial arts moves. After awhile I tried doing a cool kick I used all the time as Bruce in Tekken. I took a running start and shouted BAZOOKA FOOT as I thrust my leg out in front of me, just like in the game. That move doesn't work in real life, I slipped and busted my ass pretty hard. My sister laughed. I just cried.
(And yes I am nerdy enough to remember the move is actually called Foot Bazooka, and he doesn't shout it as he does the move.)
One night, when I was a little kid, me and my brothers were up late playing Super Smash Bros. Melee. They would always get mad whenever I kept spamming Falcon Punch but in my defense, I was the youngest so using cheap tactics was the only way I could stay competitive. Eventually, the arguing became shouting, and then it became a real 4-way brawl. So just like in the game, I relied on cheap tactics. I just started throwing some rapid nut shots until my parents walked in the room to find the reason why they kept hearing "Falcon Punch" and shrieks of pain. What they found was me with my hands in the air and my 3 brothers holding their crotches in the fetal positions.
When I was in 7th grade, our class was learning about Hispanic cultures. As part of that we had a group project where each group was assigned a country, had to research it, and make a life-sized paper doll of a person from that country. My group was assigned Puerto Rico, so I convinced everyone that we should make our doll of M. Bison, since he was played by Puerto Rican actor Raul Julia in the Street Fighter movie. Surprisingly, that even flew with the teachers.
And now, CollegeHumor's Caldwell Tanner shares a story about love and Pokemon.
The day after Pokemon X / Y came out, I went on a vacation to Venice with my girlfriend and her entire family. We stayed in a fantastic palazzo-style apartment with an amazing view of the Venetian river. All in all it was an amazing experience, but when I tried to plug in my now-depleted 3DS, I found that the charger didn't work with the international adapter I had purchased. So naturally, as a well-adjusted adult, I attempted to jam the charger's prongs deep into the outlet in a feeble attempt to get the DS' light to turn on. Instead, I accidentally shorted out the entire house's electricity. I ended up having to go to my girlfriend's father and explain to him that I, the man his daughter had somehow chosen to love, had caused an apartment-wide blackout while trying to plug in my electronic pet simulator. Luckily, the superintendent was available to reset the circuit breaker, because I was minutes away from breaking up with my girlfriend on the spot and drowning myself in the murky waters of the Grand Canal, which at the time seemed like the least awkward way to end the situation.
illustration by Byona
Aaaaah, good times, great stories. Found it a little weird that the only story about fistfights involved punching your brothers in the nuts, but hey, you send them in, we just print 'em. For next week's topic, we want to hear your geeky stories involving your best friends. It's for a segment called "Pwn Up: Friendship is Tragic".