The Dorklyst: The 15 Most Disturbing Pokedex Entries in the Pokemon World

 

15. Kadabra

The Dorklyst: The 15 Most Disturbing Pokedex Entries

It happened one morning - a boy with extrasensory powers awoke in bed transformed into Kadabra. (FireRed)

I don't think there's anything more horrifying than this truly Kafka-esque nightmare scenario: a kid falls asleep only to wake up to discover that he's turned into a Pokemon. A Pokemon that is bound to be captured by other humans (unaware they're training someone's child) to fight against random monster-animals. But most horrifying of all - he's been transformed into a middle-evolution. That means one of two things:

  1. All Abras are horribly-deformed human children, and when it evolves into Kadabra, it has gone to sleep and awoken a monster.
  2. Every single Kadabra is a human child, who has somehow switched places with Abras, who have taken over the child's human bodies.

And - perhaps most terrifying of all - unless the child/Kadabra is traded, he will never evolve and get that additional spoon.

The Dorklyst: The 15 Most Disturbing Pokedex Entries in the Pokemon World

 

15. Kadabra

The Dorklyst: The 15 Most Disturbing Pokedex Entries

It happened one morning - a boy with extrasensory powers awoke in bed transformed into Kadabra. (FireRed)

I don't think there's anything more horrifying than this truly Kafka-esque nightmare scenario: a kid falls asleep only to wake up to discover that he's turned into a Pokemon. A Pokemon that is bound to be captured by other humans (unaware they're training someone's child) to fight against random monster-animals. But most horrifying of all - he's been transformed into a middle-evolution. That means one of two things:

  1. All Abras are horribly-deformed human children, and when it evolves into Kadabra, it has gone to sleep and awoken a monster.
  2. Every single Kadabra is a human child, who has somehow switched places with Abras, who have taken over the child's human bodies.

And - perhaps most terrifying of all - unless the child/Kadabra is traded, he will never evolve and get that additional spoon.


14. Drowzee

The Dorklyst: The 15 Most Disturbing Pokedex Entries

It remembers every dream it eats. It rarely eats the dreams of adults because children's are much tastier. (Silver)

It's miraculous that, in the world of Pokemon, the Pokemon haven't risen up and destroyed every vestige of humanity. In fact, they really barely touch humans at all. One that does seem to, though, is Drowzee, which apparently wanders around neighborhoods and eats the dreams of children. Specifically children. And when the dreams of children are gone, they can only be replaced with nightmares. Although when you live in a world where psychic tapirs are devouring your dreams, it's hard to imagine anything more nightmareish than that.


13. Lampent

The Dorklyst: The 15 Most Disturbing Pokedex Entries

The spirits it absorbs fuel its baleful fire. It hangs around hospitals waiting for people to pass on. (Black 2)

Much of the afterlife is a mystery in the world of Pokemon: Pokemon never really "die" in the game, only faint (with a few notable exceptions) - yet there's an entire category of Ghost-type Pokemon. But humans present the biggest question - there don't appear to be any human graveyards, almost no human hospitals...what's happening there? Well, since lamp-Pokemon are stealing human souls and using them as fuel to burn their ever-present flames, maybe it makes sense that humans don't wanna think about the afterlife. Also, these things hang out around hospitals, waiting for people to die (to, ya know, STEAL THEIR ETERNAL SOUL AND USE IT AS COAL). No wonder hospitals are so scarce.

 


12. Yamask

The Dorklyst: The 15 Most Disturbing Pokedex Entries

Each of them carries a mask that used to be its face when it was human. Sometimes they look at it and cry. (Black)

The entry for Yamask casually introduces a pretty deeply messed up concept as if it was nothing: humans can die and turn into Yamasks. Worse still, it loses all of its human body except the fucking face, WHICH IT CARRIES AROUND AS A MASK. That's some Hannibal Lecter-meets-Nightmare on Elm Street shit.

Although, I guess that answers the "human afterlife" question: they either get turned into soul-fuel for Pokemon or become Pokemon themselves. Pretty ironic punishment for trainers to die and become enslaved Pokemon, constantly haunted by their lost humanity.

What a fun game for kids this is!


11. Gorebyss

The Dorklyst: The 15 Most Disturbing Pokedex Entries

Although Gorebyss is the very picture of elegance and beauty while swimming, it is also cruel. When it spots prey, this Pokémon inserts its thin mouth into the prey's body and drains the prey of its body fluids.  (Sapphire)

The animal kingdom is filled with messed-up ways for each animal to kill one another. What Gorebyss does, though, is something special: it literally drains you of all your bodily fluids, leaving you a dried-out husk. Worse, it inserts it through your mouth. Luckily, this is just happening to other animals, right? Sorta.

Keep in mind that when you encounter wild Pokemon, they're not attacking your Pokemon initially - they're attacking YOU, and then you throw out your Pokemon to defend yourself. Meaning, if one were to be attacked by a Gorebyss and didn't have any Pokemon on them at the time, you'll become that Gorebyss's personal Blood-and-Bile Slurpee.


10. Drifloon

The Dorklyst: The 15 Most Disturbing Pokedex Entries

It is whispered that any child who mistakes Drifloon for a balloon and holds on to it could wind up missing. (HeartGold)

These Pokémon are called the "Signpost for Wandering Spirits." Children holding them sometimes vanish.  (Black2)

Parents need to be extremely careful in the world of Pokemon. Almost any item - from keys, to a sword, to some garbage - could secretly be a Pokemon. Give your child a balloon to hold on to, it might actually be a disguised Pokemon that will kidnap your child and will never be seen again. What a ghost-balloon could possibly want with children is probably a question best left unanswered.

Note: In Pokemon Pearl, the entry for Drifloon is "It tugs on the hands of children to steal them away. However, it gets pulled around instead." So...not always disturbing. A ghost balloon that tries to steal children but gets stolen themselves instead? That's just...sad.


9. Cacturne

The Dorklyst: The 15 Most Disturbing Pokedex Entries

If a traveler is going through a desert in the thick of night, Cacturne will follow in a ragtag group. The Pokémon are biding their time, waiting for the traveler to tire and become incapable of moving. (Sapphire)

This entry thankfully cuts itself short before it reveals exactly what the ROVING GANG OF SENTIENT CACTI plans on doing with the poor souls lost in the desert, but there's an implication that they're not going to give him a ride to the nearest bed 'n breakfast. Really, even if the ROVING GANG OF SENTIENT CACTI were trying to do something nice for you, it would be an unbelievably painful nightmare the second they got near you. Because, quick reminder: they're a ROVING GANG OF SENTIENT CACTI.



8. Haunter

The Dorklyst: The 15 Most Disturbing Pokedex Entries

Its tongue is made of gas. If licked, its victim starts shaking constantly until death eventually comes. (Silver)

It hides in the dark, planning to take the life of the next living thing that wanders close by. (Crystal)

As if it wasn't terrifying enough that the Pokemon world was overrun with ghosts that acted like feral cats, Haunters have tongues made of gas that horribly murder anyone they touch. Oh, also it randomly will pop out of the shadows to murder literally whatever is coming by at the time. Probably by licking them with its gas tongue. Good luck ever feeling comfortable in a world where wild ghosts are committing random motiveless murders all the time.


7. Banette

The Dorklyst: The 15 Most Disturbing Pokedex Entries

An abandoned plush doll became this Pokémon. They are said to live in garbage dumps and wander about in search of the children that threw them away. (Emerald)

The world of Pokemon is already filled with existential dread in pretty much every corner. But did you know that even the toys in Pokemon have the potential for nightmare fuel? They do! Like some kind of terrifying mash-up of Child's Play and Toy Story 2, Banette is a doll that somehow gained consciousness purely to seek vengeance against a child. Make sure your kids are careful with their toys, otherwise those toys might come to life as Ghost-type monsters who are used to battle dragons and magnets, all while trying to avenge themselves against a negligent toddler.


6. Dusclops

The Dorklyst: The 15 Most Disturbing Pokedex Entries

Dusclops's body is completely hollow - there is nothing at all inside. It is said that its body is like a black hole. This Pokémon will absorb anything into its body, but nothing will ever come back out. (Ruby)

The concept of mummies are pretty terrifying - undead people, buried in a religious ritual, returned to the world of the living to enact some kinda curse against Brendan Fraser, etc. But leave it to Pokemon to make mummies 10x worse by having them be completely hollow within except for a black hole that sucks everything into it and - like all good black holes - never lets anything out. Honestly, I've seen way too many preschooler trainer NPCs in the Pokemon world who seem to have little or no parental guidance. In a world with black hole mummies, people should be a lot more careful.


5. Honedge

The Dorklyst: The 15 Most Disturbing Pokedex Entries

If anyone dares to grab its hilt, it wraps a blue cloth around that person's arm and drains that person's life energy completely. (Y)

At first glance, "floating ghost sword" is a pretty cool concept for a Pokemon. I know I was onboard with it. It's eerie, but in a sorta badass way. There's nothing as inherently horrifying about it as, say, Mr. Mime. But then this comes along - the revelation that if anyone touches the sword's hilt (which everyone would try to do at some point if they were real, because - c'mon - GHOST SWORD!), Honedge will literally suck the life from them. What does a floating ghost sword need with our life energy? Some questions about ghost swords are better left unanswered.


4. Phantump

The Dorklyst: The 15 Most Disturbing Pokedex Entries

According to old tales, these Pokémon are stumps possessed by the spirits of children who died while lost in the forest. (Y)

It's important to remember that with non-Legendary Pokemon, there are many of them. Hordes of them, all over the place. The same goes for Phantump, a Pokemon composed of the dead souls of children who perished in the woods. The concept would mean that every one of the seemingly infinite number of Phantumps out there are collections of dead kid spirits, meaning a) wow, LOTTA dead kids lost in the woods, I guess? and b) every time you defeat a Phantump, you are actually laying waste to a group of eternally-lost kid spirits. Makes you wonder: who's the REAL pocket monster?


3. Gourgeist

The Dorklyst: The 15 Most Disturbing Pokedex Entries

It enwraps its prey in its hair like arms. It sings joyfully as it observes the suffering of its prey. (Y)

Nothing is safe in this world (in case that wasn't already super, super clear). Enjoying a pumpkin spiced latte? Well, the pumpkin that died so you could enjoy that turned into an evil pumpkin ghost that wraps its appendages around living beings and SINGS JOYFUL SONGS as whatever poor creature dies a miserable death. I would never wish "strangled to death by a ghost-plant who was humming Katy Perry songs" on anyone.


2. Yveltal

The Dorklyst: The 15 Most Disturbing Pokedex Entries

When its life comes to an end, it absorbs the life energy of every living thing and turns into a cocoon once more. (Y)

Good to know that literally ALL LIFE completely depends on the survival of one big red bird thing, that - while pretty strong - could easily get decimated by an ambitious 11 year old trainer who's grinded his Chestnaught and Charizard to level 100. When this thing dies, we all die. All life on this planet - humans, animals, Pokemon, etc. - comes to an end in an instant. This is why it's better to go after the rainbow reindeer. At least Xerneas won't destroy all existence if you accidentally faint it.

 

1. Darumaka

The Dorklyst: The 15 Most Disturbing Pokedex Entries

Darumaka's droppings are hot, so people used to put them in their clothes to keep themselves warm.  (White)

Even for a world where all of society seems to only care about magical monsters that are constantly beating each other up, the idea that people are putting hot monkey poop in their clothes to keep warm is somehow the most unbelievably disturbing thing I've heard of in a Pokemon game.