Pet Pals: Animal Doctor
What's Wrong With It: Are they nightmarish, airbrushed real people? Or mind-bendingly awful illustrations? Welcome to the Uncanny Valley Veterinarian, where everyone's pets and their owners have a terrible case of No One At Majesco Knows How To Use Photoshop. There is no known cure, we recommend putting them all to sleep. And before you ask, of course that includes the owners.
Trevor McFur in the Crescent Galaxy
What's Wrong With It: In trying to create a badass, cool new mascot for the Jaguar system, they inadvertently made one of the least cool characters ever. The name alone ("TREVOR McFUR" in case you need to be reminded. He's from the part of Ireland overrun with jaguar-headed humanoid abominations) would be enough to make this the lamest character ever, but then add in a character design that looks like it came straight out of the furry convention, and you've got a recipe for a mascot as lame as the system he was made for.
What's Wrong With It: AAARGH! The story of a dinosaur trying to scratch a shirtless unicorn-cyclops that was trying to rub its shoulders, and the title designer who was trying really, really hard to get fired.
Street Sports Basketball
What's Wrong With It: YOU READY TO PLAY SOME STREET BALL, STARRING YOUR OLDER BROTHER, ERIC, WHO HAS A TOTALLY RAD SLEEVELESS T-SHIRT AND CAN TOTALLY DUNK AS LONG AS HE JUMPS OFF THE MINI-TRAMPOLINE HE BROUGHT ALONG.
ALSO, HE'S A GERMAPHOBE TERRIFIED OF THE POSSIBILITY OF ACCIDENTALLY TOUCHING THE RUSTY RIM WITH ANY PART OF HIS BODY. BETTER GET THE PURELL READY.
Mary Kate & Ashley's Crush Course
What's Wrong With It: "So, you've just discovered the Filters tool in Photoshop and you vaguely are aware of what speech bubbles are supposed to look like. CONGRATULATIONS! You are now qualified to create the cover of Mary Kate & Ashley games.
First off, Mary Kate some guy doesn't know she's alive. You think she's sad about that fact, right? Wrong. She's super excited he doesn't know she's alive. She's pretending to be dead, and he's totally falling for it. Her dialogue should reflect that.
Second, Ashley (or Mary Kate, I have no idea which is which) she thinks the idiot who doesn't realize her sister isn't dead is cute. VERY cute. Add a few extra O's to the word "so" to really drive this home. This is a REAL game for REAL girls, after all."