Auction Price: $1350Car It's Worth More Than: 1993 Volvo 240
A jokey name for the intense rivalry between soda companies during the 1980s, the Cola Wars produced few actual casualties, but Coca-Cola hoped to change all that in 1985. That was the year they commissioned Pepsi Invaders, a Space Invaders clone where you try to literally murder their competition by shooting at Pepsi. Or, more accurately, shooting at the word "Pepsi" as the Atari 2600 had trouble rendering anything that wasn't also a rectangle. In any case, this corporate homicide simulator is inferior to its source material in almost every way, but is still worth more than a Volvo station wagon, the one car the Atari could probably draw just fine.
Auction Price: $1350Car It's Worth More Than: 1997 Ford Escort
While most educational games use the Oregon Trail strategy of hiding their lesson in a fun and addictive play experience, Eli's Ladder takes the opposite approach, convincing children to put down the controller and get to class by actually being worse than school. Essentially a series of math drills, right answers are rewarded with a horrible, crab-like mutant traveling one rung up a ladder. Get enough correct in a row and the crab-beast gets to the top, presumably so he can jump off and end his freakish, tortured existence. All this suffering is worth over $1300 at auction, proof that even abject misery will outsell a domestic sedan in this country.
Auction Price: $2000Car It's Worth More Than: 1999 Volkswagen Jetta
Perhaps the most (in)famous Christian videogame of all time, this pastor-approved first-person shooter took Wolfenstein 3D and removed the Nazis, the guns and basically every other vaguely interesting element. Standing in for B.J. Blazkowicz is his considerably less yoked forefather, Noah Blazkowicz, who's had it up to here with the ark's passengers and has decided to go biblical on their asses. Armed with a slingshot and sleep-inducing "food pellets," your goal is to drug 300 cubits of farm animals before falling asleep yourself out of complete boredom. If you manage to find a sealed copy of the rare SNES release, however, you could easily trade in the ark for a smooth '99 Jetta, both selling for around $2000.
Auction Price: $2000Car It's Worth More Than: 1999 Subaru Outback
With its shaky controls, grueling difficulty and almost nonexistent hit detection, Ultravision's Karate is regularly cited as the worst Atari 2600 game of all time no small feat in roster that includes ringers like E.T., a release that literally crashed the videogame industry. Reportedly designed by a real-life black belt, Karate is about as fun as a real-life beating, which at least has the advantage of being free. Karate, on the other hand, will set you back $2000, an amount that would pay for a real-life Subaru Outback. That, or a real-life financial advisor to tell you to stop blowing your paycheck on horrible videogames.