Since the beginning of videogames, one thing has been clear: marketing executives have no idea what the appropriate time would be to use rap in commercials and advertisements. Or how rap should sound. Or what it should be about. But "having no idea what we're doing" has never stopped an executive, so terrible/awkward raps became one of the cornerstones of the videogame ad industry. These are the 8 worst raps in videogame marketing history.

 

8. Supersonic Controller

The Supersonic Controller had a lot of hurdles this commercial tried (and failed) to leap: selling a wireless controller when the technology wasn't good enough to make that work, selling a controller shaped like a triangle (great shape for pizza, terrible shape for a controller), and convincing you it would work for the Nintendo - even though it was a third-party non-Nintendo-approved hunk of plastic that would embarrass MadCatz.

And what better way to stumble through this all than with a family-friendly rap (thus defeating the main appeal of rap in the 80's)? The problem is (besides being awful) that the rap can't even muster up the self-confidence to sell itself. They actually include the line "It will do." It's essentially saying that it gets the job done, but "Meh, It Works, Sorta" isn't exactly the ringing endorsement they thought it was.

Choicest Lyrics:

No wires!It works with Nintendo, it will do.Games for players one and two.

 

7. Atari 2600

The Atari 2600 was in a bad place, financially-speaking, when this ad came out: the videogame industry had crashed a few years prior (in great part thanks to the unimaginable quantity of awful games published for the Atari), the far more powerful Nintendo Entertainment System was gaining traction, and an entire boardroom filled with marketing executives was convinced that some clean, dad-rap was just the thing that would help them sell their absurdly-cheap, crappy consoles.

But when you include the phrase "Oh yes, siree" within the first 5 seconds of your rap song, maybe you should sit down and really contemplate what you're trying to accomplish here and recognize maybe you're not the most qualified person to write a rap song. Maybe if the main appeal of your system is that it's super-cheap, an inept rap song might not be enough to get kids or parents too excited. Maybe you should re-think every moment of your life that has led to this moment...

Or just say screw it, end with another "Oh yes, siree," and call it a night.

Choicest Lyrics:

A real hip joystick controls the screenSolaris is hot and Midnight Magic is mean.

 

6. Link's Awakening

Zelda fans, Nintendo knows what you want: you want a guy in a weird dungeon filled with Gameboy projectors rapping about how he's "down with Zelda" and gesturing wildly with his arms the entire time. Really - a made-up rap song was the only way to sell a Zelda game, right? It's not like the Zelda games had any non-rap iconic music associated with them (unless you're counting "every Zelda song ever", that is).

Choicest Lyrics:

Peepin through with an overhead view,'cause a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do.So I stay on track, collect the facts,never cut slack, and I always watch my back, but jack.