The Dorklyst: The 20 Most Evil Corporations in Videogame History - Image 1

According to the vast majority of videogames (also: movies, TV, comics, etc.) out there, corporations are mostly huge assholes – constantly trying to wipe out humanity, develop crazy technology, and generally doing all kinds of malevolent acts in the name of the bottom line. They're more than willing to actively murder their customer base, use their employees as glorified guinea pigs, and relentlessly pursue insane goals that must have been really tough to pitch in a board meeting (how many PowerPoints devoted to the pros and cons of a zombie apocalypse have there been?). Below is a list of some of the biggest, meanest job providers to face a miserable third quarter thanks to one plucky hero.

20. Union Aerospace Corporation (Doom)

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One of the earliest game corporate villains, the UAC is guilty of conducting research on things they should have known were best left alone. In an attempt to create convenient travel options, the company accidentally unleashed a portal to Hell that turned all of the Martian research station's security personnel into demon zombies. DOOM III, a re-imagining of the original story (with flashlights), adds to the company's shame by making it clear early on that many employees' contracts forcibly induced them to participate in dangerous tests involving portal technology – which sounds like another well-known, but less evil company I know (slightly less evil). The company's corrupt security apparatus systematically wiped out scientists and workers who tried to escape or warn the world about the experiments. And when all Hell (literally) broke loose, the corporate suit sent to clean up the mess makes it clear recovering the expensive technology and erasing evidence of malfeasance trumps the lives of any survivors. Strangely, this is one of the few games where your character not only works for the company, but is also a member of the security force. Although it was your first day, so you didn't get much of a chance to check anything off your immoral to-do list before demons started invading.

19. CryNet Systems (Crysis)

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CryNet is originally an afterthought on your HUD in the original game, but the sequel brings this nano-tech pioneer to dangerous light. Despite being a subsidiary to the larger Hargreave-Rasch Biomedical giant, CryNet's powers grow to eclipse its parent company. Initially they seem to be the good guys, providing the fancy super-powered nanosuits used by your character and acting as the frontline against the alien invasion in Manhattan with its private security force, CELL. But, of course, you know you've got a problem the moment "corporate mercenaries" or "urban pacification squads" get used in a sentence. It turns out CryNet's advanced technology is actually stolen alien technology, a secret the company is all too willing to kill in order to protect – even though the knowledge could be used to help stop the alien plague laying waste to Manhattan. CELL units have no quarrel eliminating civilians rather than rescue them (rescuing requires more paperwork) and even take on the US Marines when they arrive in New York in order to cover up their misdeeds. While they want to eradicate the Ceph aliens too (perhaps to avoid being sued for patent infringement), they ultimately want to do it in a way where they can retain the immense power and wealth brought by their monopoly on the alien technology and become an unstoppable global power. As of Crysis 3, the company is putting its efforts into building nanodomes. Evil nanodomes, we assume, since there probably aren't any other kind.

18. DataDyne (Perfect Dark)

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DataDyne is a future software developer with malicious intent, seemingly no matter who runs the show. Originally helmed by a man with a very large head (who sunk most of the company's assets in a disastrous "get-immortal-quick" scheme), DataDyne quickly recovered and became a global powerhouse again under the leadership of their female CEO. Unfortunately, she was also evil. Her decision to partner up with evil aliens bent on global domination would probably have caused a big lawsuit, and one of said evil alien business partners did end up murdering her to death (by killing her). But, at the very least, employees can rest comfortably knowing that – as long as they're not security guards – killing them results in automatic mission failure. As if working security didn't suck enough.

17. DOATEC – Dead or Alive Tournament Executive Committee (Dead or Alive)

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Some of you might say, "What? Dead or Alive has a story?" To which I respond with an enthusiastic "…kinda!" The Dead or Alive Tournament Executive Committee is a major conglomerate that mainly produces the Dead or Alive fighter tournaments. Their outrageous profits come from… subscriptions? Real estate? Staggeringly high tournament entry fees? It's not well understood. For the most part, members of the company don't even show up to fight the assortment of ninjas, wrestlers and mercenaries invited to this shindig, so it's easy to miss their involvement until you get to the final fight in single player, which often involves having your fighter take on the company's latest attempt to engineer the ultimate champion to win their own tournament. Actually, I've figured out the real source of their wealth – beach tournament volleyball. That's where the real money is.

16. SinTek Industries (SiN)

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They had a cool name and manufactured everything from cosmetics (probably) to other chemicals that…also did things. The company began as the brainchild of a brilliant scientist, whose adopted daughter would follow her father in becoming a talented geneticist. That daughter, Elexis Sinclaire, would take over the company in her father's absence and expand the product line into the manufacture of mutants, much to the chagrin of mutant-hating rent-a-cop Col. John Blade. Despite her incredible intelligence, her evil plans for a new world dominated by slobbering mutants, and her ultimate success in evading Blade's dreadlocks of justice, the leader of SinTek is probably best known for having large breasts. Giant, wobbly, unrealistically proportioned to helium balloon-sized breasts. Disproportionately sized breasts in a videogame, if you can possibly believe it. Also, she escaped using her…"nether region" as a distraction. Which is a nice reminder that videogames are art, but not all art is tastefully done.