There are a lot of things you should never do drunk - drive, text, walk, pretty much anything except "fall asleep and hope you wake up with a low-level headache." The list gets even longer when you're a videogame character, who should probably be saving the world or preparing for battle instead of trying to re-enact the SHOTS video. But that never stopped some virtual characters from takin' a few swigs too many at some inappropriate times. These are the 8 most irresponsible drinkers in videogame history.
8. Commander Shepard (Mass Effect 2)
While he's supposedly in a race against time to recruit a team to save the universe from the Reaper menace, Commander Shepard can sidle up to a bar and ask for a few drinks. And if he keeps asking for drinks, eventually the turian bartender will offer to make a special krogan drink for him, since Shepard's pretty sure he can handle it (having already come back from the dead once this game, odds are they can resurrect his liver once more, right?). It's a drink that's so strong that it's practically radioactive (which usually doesn't matter for krogans, given the whole "our entire race is dying out anyway" thing). If Shepard takes the drink, he instantly passes out and wakes up on a bathroom floor. Ignoring the nasty questions of how exactly he ended up there, it feels like maybe Shepard should get back to trying to stop those deep space-dwelling civilization-eaters instead of knocking back space-margaritas and passing out in front of urinals.
7. Vodka Drunkenski AKA Soda Popinski (Punch-Out!)
What's wrong with Soda Popinski, carbonated drink-lovin' Russian boxer? Well, the key is to check out his actual name, before he changed it - Vodka Drunkenski. Modified to avoid being super racist against Russians (even during the Cold War, when the world was on the brink of mutually-assured nuclear destruction, this was considered in especially poor taste), ol' Drunkenski (yes, adults came up with this name) would declare that he would drink to prepare for fights. Meaning, he was wasted when you fought him. Boxing, even to someone unfamiliar with sports, pretty clearly requires enormous focus and even-headedness, especially when going up against a contender who's moving up the ranks as quickly as you in the game. Being wasted out of your mind isn't the best idea, then again you probably had a pretty shitty childhood you're trying to forget if your parents named you "Vodka."
6. The Dragonborn (The Elder Scrolls: Skyrim)
When you're challenged to a drinking contest in Skyrim, it doesn't seem like it should be a problem - you're the Dragonborn! You can go from new student to Head Principal/Dean/Dumbledore of the College of Winterhold in about 3 days, you eat raw meat with disturbing regularity, you suck down dragon's SOULS without any problems...so how bad could 3 drinks be? Pretty bad, it turns out.
After accepting a drinking challenge from Sam Guevenne, you wake up in a temple you apparently totally trashed the previous night. During your inebriated blackout, you did some gross stuff at that temple, sold someone's goat, and got engaged to a hagraven, who you then have to murder to get back the wedding ring. Oops. Not very becoming of the savior of the realm. At least you didn't get into any bachelor party hijinx with Zach Galifianakis.