StarCraft 2: Heart of the Swarm was originally expected to be released in 2011, or early 2012 at the latest. However, during development, it was continually delayed, until it was announced that it would be released on March 12, 2013. This announcement was soon followed by an gorgeously-rendered opening cinematic from the game:

Dorkly has discovered that this incredible cinematic was the reason for the delay. Here is a full transcript of the cinematic's director, presenting his original rough draft to the executives at Blizzard:

Okay. Wow. Something…something just occurred to me.

Hmmm. Hear me out.

That game you guys are working on – Starsomething 2? Craft? Ah, that's it. StarCraft 2. Right. Anyways, StarCraft 2 – you know how you asked me and the rest of the cinematic team to create an elaborate, gorgeously-rendered 3 minute opening cinematic for the next chapter of StarCraft 2, Heart of the Swarm? Well…there's a slight snag. We did produce an elaborate, gorgeously-rendered 3 minute opening cinematic. The scale of the thing is unbelievable – staggering, even. The effects are mind-blowingly realistic. Truly, this is our masterpiece. It's really a thing of beauty. We screwed up just one minor detail, though.

We made it for Shrek Fairy Tale Bowling 2013, not StarCraft 2.

Why StarCraft 2: Heart of the Swarm Was Delayed So Long - Image 1

Whoa, whoa, fellas, slow down – let's put down the knives. Maybe we can still make this work. How essential is it that the cinematic contains characters and locales from the StarCraft universe, instead of, say, Shrek the cartoon ogre throwing a curled-up Puss-in-Boots down a bowling alley lane into a bunch of pins made out of gingerbread and then exploding into fairy dust? Is that too major of a change?

Okay, what I'm feeling from this screaming you're doing in my face and the pretty clear threats against my life is that that's gonna be a dealbreaker. Okay. I hear you. The thing is – we spent about 8 months and $3 million to make this, and I don't think we're gonna be able to do an entirely new one and still make the release date of StarShrek 2 – oh, I'm sorry, StarCRAFT 2. Ha, that's what happens when you live and breathe Shrek for 8 months. What was that race of bug-like aliens called again? The Donkeys?

Ah. "ITSZERGYOUIDIOTFUCKINGSHIT." That was going to be my next guess.

Okay, okay – we'll just re-do this whole thing. Lower your pistols, ye haggis-eatin' dorks! Ha, sorry, Mike Myers was in the recording studio this week to record some extra dialogue and his accent work is contagious. Say, are any of those bug alien guys Scottish? I'm just saying we got Fat Bastard himself in the studio for another 4 hours. No? Alright, but it's your loss.

Actually, we could save some SERIOUS time by not doing a bunch of new character models and re-using some already done work – we might even be able to have this ready for launch. Here's the concept art we drew up:

Blizzard Employee Realizes Theyve Accidentally Produced an Elaborate, GorgeouslyRendered 3 Minute Opening Cinematic for Shrek Fairy Tale Bowling 2013 - Image 1

Wow, lotta crying. I can take a hint, fellas. Anyways, we'll get going on that alien bug cinematic thing, although you'll have to delay the game. It's not like you're expecting to release it in 2011 or early 2012, right? Oh. Ohhhh, you are? Well, we'll give it our best shot. After all, it's not ogre 'til it's ogre!

Haha, okay, very funny, guys, but you're stabbing me real hard right now.