5. Hitman: Absolution

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speaking of assassinating – THIS game. THIS motherFUCKIN game!!! it's cool – it's hella rad – it's basically that other assasssin game but with guns n shit. and youre bald n shit just like bruce mothereffin willis and also my dad who forgot my birthday cuz he was probably busy gettin me a coolass gift. who wants to do a power hour bitchez???

Bros:

  • Assassassassaning
  • That was a badass movie too
  • why wasnt bruce willis in that movie? fucked up

Bcons:

  • Shit I hope I don't go bald
  • I think my dad forgot my b-day
  • tried to visit home for thanksgiving but he moved without tellin me
  • the family that moved in wouldn't let me play this on their xbox

Score: 9 B Willies

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4. Call of Duty: Black Ops 2

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Here it is! This years call of BOOTY lol. Its just as good as last years call of duty: modern war ops 3, except way better, cuz ZOMBIES biotch! Also its got nuketown! FUCK YEAH! Then they took down nuketown but its back but only in like one gametype and thats sorta gay as shit but its still a solid game. Also my k/d spread is hella good. FYI my gamertag is xX_brock_brody_brodg_sniper_weed_pot_badassXx – COME AT ME FOOLS

Bros:

  • its call of duty
  • awesome
  • like last years call of duty but more call of duty-esque

Bcons:

  • pretty excited for next years call of duty
  • knifes are bullshit
  • camping bitches are bullshit
  • dads are bullshit

Score: Elite As Shit REPRESENT

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3. Madden '13

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You fools wanna see real gaming? Hell yeah, step on into John Maddin's arena and let's play some football! ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL? Wish that giant robot from Fox football would show up in the game NFL Blitz-style and maybe also bring Skylar with him but alive. Meantime I got my boys THE JETS kickin ass in this game, which just goes to show you that I should be coaching that team in real life instead, then we'd be goin to the super bowl for suresies instead of bein the butt of Jaysen's dumbass "jokes".

Bros:

  • The Jets are the fucking bomb
  • I should coach them

Bcons:

  • Fuck the jets
  • goddammit

Score: 8 / 7 touchdowns

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2. Naruto Shippuden Ultimate Ninja Storm Generations

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Call me a baka, but I've always been a bigtime sucker for all things Naruto. The gameplay has been largely simplified, the playstyles pretty similar across most characters, and the graphics nothing to brag about. That being said – DIS GAME BRINGS THE FUCKIN HEAT. YOU WANT CHAKRA? YOU WANT COMBOS AND TELEPORTING AND SWEETASS DODGES? FUCK YEA YOU DO, DICKWEED. WE ALL DO.

Bros:

  • NARUTO

Bcons:

  • actually it sorta sucks but whatevs

Score: 80/100

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1. The Last Story

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Who woulda guessed Ningaydo's Wii (as in "weewee" cuz it's a tiny dick of a system YA BURNT) would have the best RPG of the effin year? Not I, but I was pleasantly surprised when I began the journey of zael. The combat system in particular is hella rad, effortlessly blending FPS and stealth elements to the standard strategy of a JRPG. While some may write it off as a short dungeon crawler, the game is so much more. Don't forget to take notice of the breathtaking music by Nobuo Uematsu (whos so damn good hes basically the Linkin Park of videogames).

Bros:

  • Nobuo Uematsu is like nickelback + the main guy from smashmouth YES HE IS THAT EPIC
  • good as shit
  • pretty much the opposite of the jets

Bcons:

  • no warthog to gun from
  • did not teach me to un-skunk a beer
  • i miss skylar
  • dad why aren't you returning my calls
  • noticeable lack of marc wahlburg

Score: 97/100

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