A Soldiers Crysis - Image 1

Hey. Super-cyborg dude. Over here. Yeah, it's me, the random soldier you shot through the gut with an arrow on your way through our base. Can we just talk about this for a sec?

You're a crazy high-tech cyber warrior. You probably have night vision and thermal vision and laser vision and an arsenal of grenades and cutting-edge weaponry. I saw you pick up a car once. And you killed me with a bow and arrow. Fuck. You.

You think this is easy? You think I like watching my bullets bounce off the muscles of some titanium demigod while he – just assuming you're a 'he,' this is a no-judgment zone – while he slowly strings his stone-age weapon and launches a pointy metal stick into my abdomen? Don't get me wrong, I knew I was getting killed by a super soldier today, but no one told me he'd be such a fucking hipster show-off.

I know, I know, it's a "cool" bow-and-arrow. Looks real fancy. I see the laser sight, all those pulleys. But come on… you've got robot arms. You don't need help pulling a bow string. You could probably just throw an arrow through me. Or, better yet, use your gun.

Yes! Yes you do! I can see it right there on your back! You are being such an asshole about this.

Fine, whatever. Go on. I'll just hang around back here, dead from embarrassment. Have fun killing our entire army with a bronze sword or a flint knife or whatever sharp rocks you pick up along the way, you robot prick.