The Grand Theft Auto series has done an incredible job using real life places to recreate and satirize in their games. They've extensively covered New York, Miami, and Los Angeles (along with San Francisco, Las Vegas, and London). But with GTA IV doing New York City (aka Liberty City) again and the upcoming GTA V taking another run at Los Angeles (aka San Andreas), we thought we would come up with a few suggestions for other real world places the Grand Theft Auto franchise could set their next games in
- You can take crime to the NEXT LEVEL. Become a corrupt official, embezzle billions, wipe entire countries off the map.
- Five stars? Psh. You're buddy-buddy with the president after completing all those missions where you had to fly an RC plane through Congress for him, you can get pardons up to 10 stars (nuclear strike).
- No need to steal cars when you can have your personal valet do it for you! Steal the entire presidential motorcade, Air Force One, and the Vice President's Harley without lifting a finger.
- All radio stations are political talk radio.
- Your cell phone never stops ringing.
- Murder, corruption, extortion are all fine, but it's game over if anyone sees you walking into a strip club.
- You know every cop in town on a first name basis you can convince them to brush off any crime with a warning.
- An unlimited number of fast food places to replenish your health and get wildly obese.
- Go to Wal-Mart for all your body armor, gun, food, clothing, haircut, workout, and tattoo removal needs.
- Hope you like stealing mini-vans and Honda Accords.
- Buying a safehouse means taking out a 20 year mortgage.
- Every neighborhood looks identical.
- Neighborhood association gives you 5 stars for improper lawn upkeep.
- Civilians apologize profusely to you when you steal their car, rob them, and/or shoot them in the face.
- Two words: MOOSE. RIDING.
- A bunch of words: Universal healthcare means no more having to shell out a couple bucks for doctors to somehow cure you of 150 bullet wounds and/or falling 50 stories onto a cop car.
- 5 stars will bring a single mountie to give you a stern lecture about civic responsibility.
- The radio station is nothing but Bryan Adams and hockey scores
- Curling mini-game leaves a lot to be desired.
- Zamboni follow missions takes FOREVER.
- Pretty much just Red Dead Redemption but with cars.
- We said "RED DEAD REDEMPTION BUT WITH CARS," what else could you want?!
- Cops never bother to chase you, they're too busy dealing with cartels.
- Five stars will have two squad cars looking for you, at most, due to police force cuts in recent years.
- Can steal cars right as they leave the factory.
- Get to sorta hum along to recent Eminem songs and scream every single line from "The Real Slim Shady."
- Heavy crime stats mean that you're probably not even the biggest badass in the city. Odds are you'll just blend in.
- You have to be a Lions fan.
- An ideal setting for Grand Theft Auto: awesome cars, gangs, interesting visuals, and already exists on an island.
- Also: nerds obsessed with Japanese culture will get incredibly upset at every mistake or misrepresentation of Tokyo, which would make comment sections across the internet super fun.
- All civilians know karate/kung-fu, so will be able to defend themselves handily
- Heavy gun control regulation means your options are limited to pistols, shotguns, and katanas.
- May follow realistic depiction of Japan and do away with preconceived cultural stereotypes that are the last resort of humor for lazy hacks.
- Romance options are all anime body pillows.
- Enjoy the unparalleled natural beauty of the wilderness.
- Escape from the go-go lifestyle of today's city-dwelling criminal.
- Learn to appreciate the quiet and solitude that only comes with removing oneself from modern society.
- Haha, fuck you, Roman.