Gordon Freeman

The prospect of such a stoic figure getting a little tipsy is more than intriguing to us. We are willing to bet that when Gordon downs a few beers he starts telling everyone about all his crazy adventures. We want to know exactly what happened at Black Mesa. What better way than to get him wasted? Gordon also brings a little muscle to the table. You know if someone gets out of line (we're looking at you Donkey Kong) Gordon won't hesitate to bash them upside the head- or at least drop a few auto-turrets on them. And of course, the most important reason we want Gordon Freeman at our party: The gravity gun. Can you imagine beer pong with a gravity gun?
Oh, just one warning: Don't let him do ecstasy; he'll see the G-man everywhere.

Lara Croft

You're going to want girls at your party- preferably ones with physically impossible dimensions. You'll probably try to hit on her at some point- and if you're lucky maybe she'll talk to you. But unless you can hold a conversation about ancient artifacts, you shouldn't count on that happening. So what will Lara Croft do for your party? She'll make every other girl there jealous- which could help you "raid some wombs" later on. In case you were wondering, yes "Womb Raider" is a real film. Shockingly it only received 3.5 stars on IMDB.


Sonic the Hedgehog was born to party. He's cool and outgoing. He'll make wisecracks with you. He'll challenge Samus to a "who can curl up in a tighter ball- competition." So what if he doesn't drink beer (too many calories) – vodka tonics do the job just as well. We'd hate to clean up his chilidog vomit, but that's what Luigi is for, right? You can bet that he'll be at the bar, talking to the ladies for good portion of the night, but hey, if you need someone to go on a beer-run, Sonic will be more than happy to oblige. After all, as far as we know there are no laws for running while intoxicated.

Samus Aran

It's hard to find girls in the gaming universe that would come to a party. They're all too deadly, stuck-up, or alien infested (sorry Kerrigan). Frankly, we're baffled that Lara Croft even showed up. After years of deadly adventures across the universe we can't blame Samus for wanting some r&r. We bet that after a few shots (the drinks, not the ones from her arm cannon) Samus will probably lighten up and start talking about all her war stories. Also, anyone who's willing to risk giant alien-energy parasites and massive acid pits probably won't have any qualms about dancing on the bar.

Johnny Cage

Would you want to invite a movie star/martial artist, who routinely competes in fighting tournaments to the death? Do you want to hang out with someone who has saved the world, been killed and then resurrected multiple times? Just to be clear, we're talking about Johnny Cage, not Jesus Christ. Cage will deal with anyone that's getting belligerent- as soon as he's done doing Jaeger-bombs with you. Be prepared for him to challenge you to a push up contest. Let yourself lose quickly, then down a few Redbull and vodkas with him. If you want your party to be like the "Jersey Shore" but with class and shadow kicks- invite Johnny Cage.

Princess Zelda

If you are a cross-dressing princess who's has an evil wizard on speed dial then you probably have some pretty cool stories to tell. Zelda is pleasant to look at, but her wallet will draw the most stares. We bet that if anyone is going to be willing to spring for a few bottles of Patron, it's going to be Zelda. Her daddy will pay the bill and you won't even have to thank him for the best night you'll never remember. We hear it isn't cheating if you hook up with Sheik (different clothes, eye color, and hair length are the same as a different area code, right?), but you'd better be comfortable with your sexuality.
Just don't touch her when she's Zelda- unless you're prepared to be cut in half or blown-up by her midget boyfriend.