The Dorklyst: The 9 Worst Superhero Teams of AllTime - Image 1

Teamwork is the key to success, especially when team members have the ability to phase through walls or literally bend time and space. When superheroes get together and form a team, it usually results in a stronger whole, with the different powers complementing each other and helping eradicate the worst scum in the universe. However, sometimes the teams of multiple superheroes are terrible. This goes against all logic, but groups of super-powered individuals can suck - either because the members are ridiculous, or ill-suited for one another, or because the team is nothing but a bunch of pets. Here are the 9 worst superhero teams of all-time.

 

9. X-Force/X-Statix

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The original X-Force was a Rob Liefield-created posse of loud muscular guys who thought coolness was determined by the number of pouches strewn across your massive build, with names like "Shatterstar" and "Warpath," led by King Pouch-Enthusiast, Cable. It sold tremendously well and helped to ruin superhero comic books for a little while. After a few different grim-n-gritty reboots, the series was given to the freewheeling team of Peter Milligan and Michael Allred, who promptly killed the whole team in an explosion and came up with their own. In their hands, X-Force became an spectacularly biting meta-commentary on the comic business, featuring a team of self-obsessed, dysfunctional, fame-addicted assholes whose sole purpose is to cause flashy carnage in order to sell merchandise, based on the whims of their managers and a fickle consuming public. Unpopular characters would be killed in the field, so each team members would do everything in their their power to stay relevant, at the expense of the team (one subplot centered around the token black character trying to prevent another black superhero from joining for fear that he'll be killed off as soon as he's no longer the minority, while another centered around two characters grudgingly striking up a gay love affair to drive up their popularity).

By the end of the Milligan/Allred run, the entire team (renamed "X-Statix," to be sufficiently x-treme) had been murdered several times over, and sales had dropped precipitously, despite the creative team giving the Marvel audience exactly what they apparently wanted. The reins were handed back to Liefield, because testosterone must flow.

 

8. The Crimebusters

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Consisting of a rapist, a god, a rich sociopath, a poor sociopath, an aging racist, and some nice normal folks, the Crimebusters of Alan Moore's Watchmen lasted all of about two memorable pages before utterly dissolving. Not coincidentally, the first (and last) meeting of the Crimebusters is the only time all of the ostensible "heroes" of Watchmen are together in the same place at the same time. It's a testament to Moore's aggressively deconstructive vision of American superheroes that the most they accomplish as a team is to heap scorn and derision on a middle-aged man trying to make a stand for Greatest Generation values, and then set his meticulously created display on fire. The next time an attempted collaboration would be this short-lived yet catastrophic, it would be called Loutallica.

 

7. Wonder Twins

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The Wonder Twins are Zan and Jayna, and they're aliens from the planet Exor. When they bump fists and say "Wonder Twins powers activate!", Zan can turn into water, and Jayna can transform into an animal. So yeah, at face value, these guys only kind of suck, but dig a little deeper, and you'll discover to your surprise that they really, really suck. Here's why:

1.) Turns out they don't even have to say "Wonder Twins powers activate!" to transform. They just like to, which is extra creepy, considering they're saying it in unison. As a catch phrase, it falls short of "clobberin' time" by about a mile.2.) They've got a space monkey named Gleek as a sidekick. Here's what Gleek brings to the equation: He provides the bucket in which Jayna in bird form carries Zan in water form to get them from place to place.3.) To emphasize: they're superheroes, and they get around by bird-drawn bucket.4.) They have a Teen Trouble Alert wristwatch, which goes off whenever there's a nearby teen in trouble, meaning they're about as far-reaching and effective as a suburban police department.5.) Between the costumes and the haircuts, they look like they got kicked out of Sha Na Na for not being edgy enough.

Simply being dumb doesn't make a superhero team bad, and a bad team isn't necessarily a dumb one, but the Wonder Twins are unequivocally both.