12. Playstation

I think the most interesting thing about the original Playstation was that it was a Scottish alien girl. Wait. Maybe I'm misremembering, but wasn't it actually, like, a videogame thing? So then, what did a Scottish alien girl have to do with it? Nothing? Well, at least now I feel like watching Braveheart.

Really, it's a nice little video. It's not going to make anyone want to buy a Playstation though. It's not going to make anyone want to think about Playstation, even. It probably will make you want to Google what that girl looks like in real life. Unless this is a stealth ad for Google, someone really dropped the ball.


11. Sega Genesis

When you're advertising your system as a bargain-bin version of another system, you're in trouble. You're not advertising why your system is superior or showing off the cool, exclusive games - you're saying you're pretty much the same but cheaper. Then when you add a mosquito exploding from drinking too much blood as a marketing tool, you should probably start re-thinking your whole life.


10. Sega Saturn - Theater of the Eye

Sega Saturn's obsession with associating itself with total organ failure continues, where anthromorphized representations of your cells and organs go out of control upon seeing a Sega Saturn in action. It's being way, way too obtuse for what it should be as a videogame commercial, but it manages to hold on and make its point, for the most part - up until the end, where the sphincter is literally being crushed to death by what appears to be a way cleaner version of the garbage disposal from Star Wars.

"Get a Sega Saturn! Your nervous system will be in total disarray and you won't be able to poop for weeks!"


9. XBOX - Life

Whoa. Deep. I guess being shot out of the womb at rocket speed, aging to your 80s, and crash landing in your grave is a pretty good metaphor for our short lives upon this earth and a good way to encourage introspection about the meaning of existence and all, but I'm not sure how great it is at hawking a Halo-machine. There seems to be some insistence on not mentioning your console or giving any hint that you're a videogame ad in a lot of these, which is sort of self-defeating, since the goal isn't to make you re-live your philosophy finals, but to buy a videogame thing. Maybe that's just me though. Now excuse me while I cry into a pillow.