You always wanted to live in a post-apocalyptic world, and now you've got your chance! Just look around and see... the absolutely nothing going on. But, hey, you're a natural explorer! You're going to search around and -- oh, no, did you just tear up that plant? You needed it, man! That plant mixes with a bottle of water and a hidden statue to reveal a sword you need to defeat a monster.
How could you be so careless?
Okay. Think. Think. Think. The Encyclopedia Frobozzica says there might be a way down through a drunk dude's house. Got to deal with that drunk dude, one of the, like, seven people still alive in this awful world. Maybe you'd drink too if you saw some crazed wizard massacre your entire people.
Oh, no! Why did you drink with the drunk guy!? Didn't you know you were supposed to not do what he told you to do, but instead use that liquor to power a magic machine that opened a fridge that contains an ice machine you need for tricking a mouse?
It's all so frustrating. Maybe you should just go to sleep. Too bad you can't turn off a light, because a Grue will eat you the moment you do.
Purple skies again. Sigh. I guess when Onaga the Dragon King made this world, he forgot to add anything other than purple mountains, purple lightning bolts, and -- wait, red lava! There's some red in with the purple, too!
Since it's a Friday, you've got adorn your spiked armor and ride a Dragonfly to see Shao Kahn beat up some humans. He's trying to do that thing again where he invades Earthrealm. Which, when you think about it, is kind of crappy. Even the guy who runs the place wants to get the hell out.
Speaking of which, why can't your Emperor King use that endless supply of magic to create air conditioning or architecture that doesn't entirely consist of spikes? Or even some citizens that aren't all teeth and swords? Oh, right, Shao Kahn only dates Edenians because he's totally embarrassed of his home town.
So you're stuck sitting in the blazing hot sun, watching Shao Kahn cheaply punch his enemies in the face again and again without letting them get a hit. What a tool.
But at least you got a day off of cranking people in and out of acid. That job is the worst, even without all the screaming.
Right off the bat, your monarch changed her name from one that honors your kingdom to one that sounds pretty. So there's that. Because if anything keeps out the constant wave of lizard-people invasions, it's "Princess Peach." Oh, and she made it a policy to put the entire kingdom's money in brick walls and sewer drains.
And what money she does have, she spends on go-karts she races against her enemies. That's where your tax dollars go. Not enough money for walls. And she has to pay her soldiers in cake. But millions can be spent on red shells, no problem.
The lack of money has really broken down the infrastructure. Potholes that drop straight into nothingness seem to be everywhere. Some of the platforms fall when you stand on them. And occasionally the sun will get mad at you and try to burn you to death. That's probably not the princess's fault, but nor is she really try to stop it.
Ah, another beautiful day in Liberty City. You put on your suit, get your clothes together, kiss your wife, and - goddamnit, your car has been stolen again. Oh no, oh man, oh no. This is going to be a huge blow to your insurance. And what are you going to tell Maggie? She needs the car to drive the kids to school... Okay. Don't panic. This has happened before. Like, this literally happens at least once a week. So maybe if you just walked to work, it would be fine.
After all, it is a beautiful - Oh, God, there's a guy with a gun! Run!
Oh, thank God. He missed you. At least the police will get him.
And nope, they gave up. He stole a car and drove it into a garage and the police were kind of over it so they went home. Which means that dude is definitely going to be running over people soon.
But at least ambulances are coming to treat the injured. Everything will be okay.
Wait... Wait, that ambulance isn't stopping! Jesus Christ, no!