3. Gnome the Spirit of Earth (Tales of Symphonia)

Stumbling upon an undead skull guy who wields not one, but four cursed swords sets the precedent that some serious shit is going to go down. And then, all of a sudden, I find myself face to snout with a giant, cuddly mole. I wasn't sure if I was supposed to unleash a barrage of deadly spells or pat him on his head and sidestep to the real challenge. I expected an epic battle involving a ferocious dirt demon who could open up the Earth and swallow my party whole. Instead we got ourselves a dopey shrew with a toy beach shovel.

Not to mention they gave him a voice goofier than Don Knotts, which I didn't think was actually possible. This RPG rookie is a plush toy in the discount bin.

2. Unggoy (Halo)

No need to fly into a panic and start questioning your street cred, I had to look up the name of these forgettable, obnoxious little imps myself. I get that all games need cannon fodder, but was it necessary to make Unggoys complete idiots?

Why give them the ability to speak if they only say things like "I see bad guy" and "See ya see ya"? No one took their threats seriously because they didn't take themselves seriously. Not every franchise needs a cutesy villain to laugh at. Well, except maybe the dragons in Skyrim. Those little scamps are adorable.

1. Fatman (Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty)

I can't pinpoint the exact moment Fatman lost all credibility as a badass. It was either when he introduced himself as "Fatman" or when he sipped his wine, mid-monologue, out of a curly straw. I'm convinced that the bomb-making behemoth didn't get away with his crimes because of his cunning wit or ability to hide explosives really well; it's because people went into hysterics when they saw him trying to balance on roller blades. Bombs = scary. Roller blades = hilarity. Can't have it both ways.

Raiden must have had some serious self discipline to not whip out his cellphone and catch Fatman on camera. He had the next YouTube sensation within his grasp and he blew it! A victim of too many Bagel Bites in rollerblades is not intimidating; it's comedy gold.