Welcome to the deadliest ﬁghting tournament in the world. Or the outer world. We, the good guys, have to ﬁght the bad guys. And then we have to ﬁght each other.
Why do we have to do that?
Shut up, that's why. It's deadly and everyone has tons of super-powers.
Oh, it's popular movie star Johnny Cage, here to wish us luck.
I loved you in National Treasure!
Nope. I'm here to ﬁght!
See, I decided to enter this deadly tournament between super beings because I want to show everyone I don't use special effects.
is that your ofﬁcial backstory?
Yes. Yes it is. Also, I use special effects. But not much.
Okay, let me spell this out for you: there's a man here who is a reptile ninja. He can spit acid. This acid-spitting-ninja-monster is the worst ﬁghter here.
I mean, imagine you ﬁght Goro. What do you do then?
Hit him in the nuts.
This isn't one of your stupid movies. I am a God of thunder. I can shoot lightning! How are you going to ﬁght me?
I don't know. Uh, maybe, you know, a Hadouken!
Long, long pause.
you did not just
I'll show myself out.