3. Potato Chips and Chocolate Bars (BioShock)

Andrew Ryan dreamed of a Utopian society under the sea. He seemed to have everything planned out pretty well for his underwater paradise. Unfortunately, he never expected that all his citizens would turn into drug addicts and turn on each other like neanderthals. He spent all his time crafting these bad ass steam-punk weapons, yet didn't really think about what would happen if someone actually was on the receiving end of an electrified arrow.

I accept that booze and cigarettes can dull the pain of a Big Daddy drill entering your thigh. What I don't accept is that a bag of stale chips (dear Lord, how old are these?) has the equivalent effect. I know what I crave after I've just been nearly bludgeoned to death by a 1960s crackhead with a wrench: chocolate! Amiriteguys?

2. Whole Turkey (Streets of Rage)

I haven't personally body slammed any ladies of the night, but I imagine that doing it over and over again can be pretty draining. I'm sure even back-handing an industrial steamroller can work up quite an appetite. But chowing down on a fully roasted garbage-turkey is not the first thing I'd do.

And even though the whole tryptophan/turkey makes you sleepy theory is a myth, do you really want to take the risk of being groggy when a punk with a jetpack is trying to destroy you and everyone you love?

Besides, the last thing I'd want to do is eat a turkey that tumbled out of a rusty oil drum. Especially in that city. I'd definitely take the extra time to pick through to check for syringes in the carcass.

1. Eggplant (Adventure Island)

Alright, technically the eggplant in Adventure Island is actually the complete opposite of a power up. The eggplant will completely fuck your shit up. Master Higgins hated eggplants. So much that it followed your skateboarding ass around until it drained two or even three precious life bars. And let me tell you, they weren't handing out life bars back in those days.

What the did programmers have against eggplants so much? Did an eggplant touch them inappropriately as kids? Dishonor their mother and kill their father in a duel? Why so much eggplant hate?

I think the programmers at Hudson wanted to deliver a message to us and completely mess with our heads. "You aren't in control. We are. And to prove it, we're going to make a harmless vegetable the most terrifying creature you are ever going to encounter. Didn't see that one comin', didja mama's boy?"

No. No we did not.