The Connoisseur: Dracula

Too many nights spent chugging dollar domestics and eating ten-cent tasty meats can take its toll on a body. Tonight, you want something different, something a little more...cultured. Tonight, you're calling Dracula. Yeah, he may be a bit older than your other friends, but he's mature. He knows all sorts of classy off-menu mixed drinks, he's a member of those fancy European clubs you have to wear pants at, and the conversation topics are more sophisticated than the typical "who'd you bang last night?" When you're with Dracula, you feel like an adult. The only problem is, all those expensive drinks he's introduced you to will really bleed you dry, leaving your purse empty until the next payday.

The Childhood Friend: Pokémon Red/Blue

One day you get the idea in your head that you should link up with an old friend you haven't spoken to since you were youngsters. You meet up at the old stomping grounds, ready to take a trip down memory lane. And surprise -- it's like you never lost touch! You're a little fuzzy on nicknames and secret handshakes, but hanging out with this old pal feels familiar enough.

At least, it does for a while. You can only repel boredom so long before the novelty of reconnecting wears off and...awkward silence appears! Sure, you remember all the basics, but so much time has passed that you're not really on the same team anymore. They don't look like you remember and frankly, they haven't aged well. Plus, seeing them brings up guilt over all the other old friends you haven't spoken to, and you don't really have time to catch up with 'em all. Make these encounters quick, so that you and your fond memories can get away safely.

The Jokesters: Sam & Max

These guys. You invite one and the other comes tagging along like they're joined at the hip. Not that you mind: when they're together, the comedy quotient goes way up. Their ability to simply point at something in the area and click together on a joke is nothing short of amazing. They pump out wisecracks so quickly it's like they're some sort of hyperkinetic joke-making machine thingy. Like they have a list of pre-written jokes and they just choose the best ones.

On the other hand, it often seems like they're only interested in proving how funny they are, so if you're trying to hold an actual conversation, the constant stream of one-liners can be a bit grating. Even though they're a great hang and a beloved part of your crew, it seems like they'd be happier stuck in a room together trading witty quips than actually hanging out with anyone else.

The Wealthy A-Hole: Wario

Wario is an obnoxiously loud, impossibly audible drunk, even in a noisy bar. He makes inappropriate jokes about people right to their faces. When he's drunk, Wario gets really physical and starts fighting people and headbutting walls for no reason. And he always drags along his one miserable friend or cousin or whatever weirdo he convinced to dress exactly like him. Everything about Wario screams, "Don't hang out with me!"

Except one thing: he's rich. Wario has more money than he knows what to do with, and he throws it around like he's king of the world. He buys all your drinks and throws the best parties, so even though Wario may be a douchebag, it's just not the same without him.