3. Corley Bike (Full Throttle)


Tim Schafer is most famous for making adventure games starring hapless, clumsy heroes who struggle to become awesome over the course of the game (see: Monkey Island, Day of the Tentacle, Psychonauts). Not so with Full Throttle's Ben, who starts the game as a badass motorcycle gang leader, and ends it as a badass motorcycle gang leader surrounded by bodies. His settles his first in-game dispute by nearly pulling out some punk's nose ring. This isn't Guybrush Threepwood we're talking about.

Full Throttle is all about stopping an evil executive from taking control of Corley Motors, the last All-American motorcycle manufacturer, by going on a cross-country quest of biker vengeance. Weirdly enough, the funny quips written by Tim Schafer & Dave Grossman easily overshadow the more motorcycle-centric parts of gameplay (like the bike battle minigame). Still though, it might boast the badassiest intro sequence of any adventure game.


2. Dante's Motorcycle (Devil May Cry 3)


Okay listen, I really want to tell you about Dante's motorcycle and how cool it is, but there's no way I can do that until after you've watched this video. Just watch it, then come back here and we'll talk. Don't worry! I'll wait.…

Did you watch it? You did? HOLY SHIT HOW COOL WAS THAT? I mean DAMN! Right? Did you see that part when he started OWNING demons with his hog? Just plowing through them like it wasn't even a thing? How about when the whole damn thing motherfucking EXPLODED in his hand? Fucking HELL that was cool! I wish we were in the same room right now so that we could crack open some brewhounds and give each other high fives until our palms got sore.


1. Hardy Daytona (FFVII)


While the first six Final Fantasy games are considered classics in their own right, they all suffer from a distinct lack of badass motorcycles, a problem Final Fantasy VII recognized and addressed thoroughly. The Hardy Daytona itself may just be a Harley Davidson clone with a thin layer of cyberpunk slapped on for good measure, but much like the iconic Buster Sword, it's main purpose in the game is actually just making Cloud look cooler than he really is. Its sudden appearance during your escape from Shinra at the beginning of FFVII also marks the last time in the history of videogames where I remember thinking to myself "Oh awesome! A minigame sequence!" Like a birthday cake covered in bacon bits, the motorcycle sections in FFVII aren't really necessary or enjoyable, but somehow they make the overall experience just a little more memorable.


Honorable Mention: Fenrir (FFVII: Advent Children)


Over the course of its long history, Final Fantasy has developed an affinity for motorcycles that rivals its passion for crystals, airships, and clothing with too many zippers. Fenrir, Cloud's new ride from the video sequel to Final Fantasy VII, takes that passion to unexplored heights by doubling as a giant moving scabbard capable of holding no less than ten swords; making it great for extinguishing Sephiroth wannabes and even better for selling high quality replicas to nerds at prices even more ridiculous than the plot of this movie. I just wish Final Fantasy would explore other vehicle and weaponry combinations; as cool as motorcycles are, nothing would make me happier than seeing a chocobo decked to the beak in lightsabers. Is that too much to ask, Squeenix? I think not.