6. Schpeltiger (No More Heroes)


Technically, the Schpeltiger is just an oversized scooter, but by this logic, lions are just oversized cats, so we're willing to let it slide. With its giant back wheel, deep cushioned seat, and ultra-streamlined shape, the Schpeltiger looks like the retirement-home equivalent of the motorcycles from Akira. Which makes sense, because trying to navigate this behemoth through the streets of Santa Destroy can make you feel like a senior citizen whose Towncar just toppled its third mailbox this week. While it may be a bit unwieldy, no vehicle could better convey the personality and overall weirdness of Travis Touchdown better than a mega scooter named after what I can only assume is the fake German word for "tigerwizard."


5. Shiva Sisters (FFXIII)


Hey, remember how cool you felt riding that sweet Shinra chopper in FFVII? Remember how it was just a normal motorcycle and totally not two magical robot ladies in disguise? Remember that? Because Final Fantasy XIII sure as hell didn't.

If you're not familiar, each character in FFXIII has a unique eidolon that they can use to fight alongside them. Snow, the party's brawler, uses an ice-based summon known as "The Shiva Sisters," because of course he does. As mentioned before, once the Sisters enter "Gestault Mode" they intertwine their bodies and transform into a giant feminine motorbike that Snow can then use to trample his enemies. Yes, that is a real thing that happens in this videogame and not the description on the back of a Japanese motorcycle fetish porn DVD. Unfortunately, no, that doesn't make any of it less weird.


4. Wario Chopper (Super Smash Bros. Brawl)


Long before Mario shoehorned motorbikes into his Kart franchise, Wario was already the proud owner of his own chrome-plated bi-wheeled racing monstrosity. Wario always was way ahead of the rest of the Mushroom Kingdom when it came to stylin' rides; nothing makes you self conscious about riding a giant wind-up shoe than when your musclebound cousin comes screaming by in this badass hog.

Better yet, the Wario Chopper makes an appearance in Brawl as Wario's side-special move. To clarify, this is a move where you get on a motorcyle and peel out wheelies on your opponent's stupid face. And that's not even Wario's ultimate attack; he's just doing donuts on your back like it's no big thing. That single move alone could make Brawl the greatest fighting game of all time, unless I somehow missed the motorcycle-assist button in Tekken.