We can't control everything in our lives, but I like to think the one thing that we can control is what kind of music will be played when our last guy is depleted and our own "Game Over" screen fades up. If I'm leaving this world, I'm leaving on my terms. These are the classic videogame jams I want blaring at my funeral.
8. Super Ghouls 'n Ghosts: "Haunted Graveyard"
I don't think it's too much to ask that some music be played over loud speakers in the parking lot while my guests are shuffling in. I went back and forth between this song and the Level 1 music from the NES Castlevania. Both have our heroes marching through a graveyard from the get-go and I really wanted to capture this experience. You can see why this was a tough choice.
However, the "Haunted Graveyard" came out on top because it comes off as a little more tongue-in-cheek. After all, I don't want to creep out my friends and family; I want to entertain them.
I just hope that no one accidentally runs into a hideous undead creature only to get knocked back five feet and lose their clothes before making it to the building. Being the only one at the funeral in your undies has to be pretty humiliating.
7. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: "Main Theme"
I'm not talking about the classic theme song from the 80s television series that even your grandma can sing word-for-word (for the record: it's Raphael is cool, but rude. Not crude). I'm talking about the NES game from Konami. Remember that godawful game? It may seem a bit odd to include this on a list of songs to play at a funeral, but the song is actually pretty damn catchy. I'd place this soundtrack toward the beginning of the ceremony because I think the "twinkly" part at the beginning gives the impression that something really magical is about to take place. Or people will visualize my soul ascending to the heavens.
I just hope that when I go out, it's not because I got shocked a bajillion times by pink, electrified seaweed while disarming bombs and given an insanely cruel time limit.
Actually, that's probably exactly how it'll happen.
6. Heavy Rain: "Ethan Mars' Theme"
My funeral can't be all fun and games. I'd like some tears to be shed at some point. And nothing brings down the party than any given track from Quantic Dream's Heavy Rain.
Damn this sh*t was depressing. Ethan's Theme made microwaving frozen pizza glum, which I never thought was possible.
If one of my guests doesn't stand up and start shoving all the other parishioners aside while shouting "BRANDON! BRAAAANDON!" over and over again, I'll be really disappointed.
Oh. And I want a red balloon tied to my casket. Just because.
5. PaRappa the Rapper: "Chop Chop Master Onion"
There are some who prefer to have a closed casket so they can have their last living memory of me unspoiled.
I don't want to give anybody that option.
I want my body to be strung up like a marionette and to perform a sick dance number to a PaRappa song. My stiff limbs would punch, chop and kick with the illest of beats bumpin in the background. At first, I'm sure those who were caught off guard would be completely horrified at my bloated body wriggling in the air, but after a few measures they'd be tapping their toes. It can't be helped.
Maybe throw in some freestyle in a way that only PaRappa can execute. "Dry those tears! Dd-d-d-d-d-dry those tears!"
My post mortem dance moves wouldn't be too far of a stretch. Just dust off your Playstation and watch how Chop Chop Master Onion and Pa Rappa move. They dance like rigor mortis has already set in.