3. Thunder Hawk, Street Fighter

Reason for entering tournament: To reclaim his tribe's land (from M. Bison) / rescue his kidnapped sister (from M. Bison)

Special Moves: Rising Hawk, Diving Hawk, Mexican Typhoon

Super Street Fighter II brought one more adjective and a few new characters into the SF mix, including Dee Jay (Breakdancing-type), Cammy (thong-type), and Thunder Hawk (stereotype-type). Like most characters on this list, T. Hawk's name came out of a Native American-themed word jumble. Looking at his character design, two things jump to mind: First, his feathered headband and warpaint: clearly a man in touch with the spirit of the land. Second, jesus christ what is wrong with his body. His bio lists him at 7'7" and 360 lbs, and 90% of that is upper torso. His arms are so enormous, federal law prevents him from operating them while intoxicated. Where he comes from, his people have an ancient saying: "Is that T. Hawk, or did someone park a bus on a pair of blue jeans?" This is what science imagines men looked like back when dinner meant choking a woolly mammoth to death.


2. Nightwolf, Mortal Kombat

Reason for entering tournament: Become the ultimate shaman and guide Liu Kang back from the spirit world.

Special Moves: Tomahawk Chop, Spirit Arrow

You probably assumed that because Nightwolf has a move called the "tomahawk chop," he's just another Native American caricature who walks around with tomahawks. Well it looks like you owe an apology to the 10-year-old boy whose job it is to design new Mortal Kombat characters. Nightwolf is completely different. Instead of carrying around actual axes, Nightwolf is so in touch with spirits and elders and you know, energy, that he can form tomahawks out of green ectoplasm. He can also create a bow and arrow for a projectile attack. He's like Green Lantern, if Green Lantern's ring could only make things that would appear on a Family Feud board under "Things Native Americans Had."