4. "White Princess the Second ~ Love Adventure in the School That Follows the Principle of Convenience, Where It's Okay to Stray From the Path or Stay on the Path."
You know what they say about games with long titles, man. Oh, you don't? Really? Ah, never mind then.Anyway, this game looks dumb.
3. "Chō Aniki: Seinaru Protein Densetsu" (Super Big Brother: Legend of the Holy Protein)
We've already covered Bullet Hell games, but this series is worth mentioning due to the, ah, "unique" nature of its protagonists. Adon and Samson, our musclebound heroes, fly around shooting lasers at a variety of imaginatively creepy enemies (giant cross dressing cat girls, etc.) while defending a glob of legendary protein which absorbs enemy fire. I'm not sure what "working out" is actually like, but if this is the result, then I'm glad I never do it..
2. "Doki Doki Majo ShinPan" (Thump Thump Witch Judgement)
The release of the Nintendo DS helped usher in a new era of innovative gameplay, and by that I of course mean games where you suggestively touch underage cartoons. In this game, you are charged with finding undercover witches at your Junior High School by searching their bodies for "witch marks." I do remember learning about witch marks in Sex Ed, but I always thought was just the catholic word for "vagina."
1. "Frog Minutes"
Frog Minutes is just an oddly-named iPhone game about feeding delicious bugs to frogs, but that's a complete waste of this subtly weird title. Here's what a game called "Frog Minutes" should play out like:
"YOU ARE FROG SECRETARY, YOUR BOSS IS VERY BUSY FROG, CAN YOU MANAGE HIS SCHEDULE? HE MUST EAT ALL OF BUGS IN ORDER TO HOP UP CORPORATE LADDER. EVERY MINUTE COUNTS!"
My version would also be a sidescrolling RPG, because why the bullet hell not?