Some people may argue that playing videogames is a waste of time, and that I should try to do something productive instead like read or go outside. Well, thanks to the internet, I can interact with other shut-ins from the comfort of my home. And just look at a few of the life lessons I've learned while playing on Xbox Live.

Winning isn't everythingFor instance, whenever I win a match, it's only because my opponents were "lagging like a motherf*cker."

Everybody loses sometimesDon't feel bad, It's probably just a result of you "sucking goat balls."

It's nice to help peopleLike when I let that guy kill me five times so he could get that one really annoying Achievement. The lack of a thank you was its own reward.

Don't be afraid to try new thingsFor example, I should really try playing Rock Band while high on marijuana, as the experience has been described as "fucking crazy as shit, for real."

Speak Your MindIf you think that anybody who likes to play Oddball in Halo is a "taint licker," then go ahead and say so.

Be open to people from all different walks of lifeThere is a strong possibility that I am, in fact, a "homofag," and there's nothing wrong with that.

Girls Don't Play VideogamesThey just don't.

By Jeremy Gundel