A few weeks ago we released a list of the 6 Greatest Videogame Theories on the Internet. The response was great – everyone seemed genuinely interested in exploring the dark, twisted conspiracies behind our favorite videogames. But soon strange things started happening at our office. Interns vanished without a trace. Mysterious black vans appeared outside. As some commenters on our site and Reddit fairly pointed out, our first article just brushed the tip of the iceberg. Deep below, in the freezing waters of truth, more mysteries lay submerged. So now we're going deeper. Too late to back out now, you're already involved. They're watching you as you read this. Just stay calm, play it cool, and prepare yourself for 6 more of the greatest videogame fan-theories the internet has to offer.


6. The Lost Pokemon War (Pokemon Red / Blue)



A good half of the insane video game theories floating around online make their home in the world of Pokemon. Maybe it's because the in-game society is so simple and perfect. Too perfect; in fact, the whole thing gives off a serious Prisoner vibe. What are the smiling citizens of Kanto trying so desperately to hide?

You start the game with no father, and are the man of your household. Your rival has no parents at all. The only adult man in your village, the aging Professor Oak, trusts his most important research to you, a mere child. In fact, Kanto's men are mostly children or the very old. The few men in their prime are tied up in Gyms or organized crime. Every town is equipped with a state-of-the-art medical center. A little weird, sure, but not that sinister until you meet Lt. Surge in Vermilion City and he lets slip a harmless little comment about the war. Wait. War?

Surge definitely went to war, but he's no old soldier. He looks pretty young… about the age your character's dad would have been. Could Kanto have just seen the end of a long, bloody war? Are you and your rival members of the first generation to live in peace? It can't be… it can't! I… I… I wanna be… the very best… sniff…


5. Cranky Kong is the Original Donkey Kong (Donkey Kong Series)



Seemingly included in the "Donkey Kong Country" instruction booklet in order to justify Donkey Kong's turn to good, it's been stated that the current Donkey Kong is actually Donkey Kong Jr. and that Cranky Kong is the original Donkey Kong. Considering Cranky's bitter ramblings about 16-bit graphics and references to vintage gaming, this "theory" seems more like an indisputable fact. But not so fast: The more recent "Mario vs. Donkey Kong" series suggests that the current Donkey Kong has always been Mario's rival. Add that to the fact that the "Donkey Kong Country" games have been notorious for getting their stories mixed up: they've flip-flopped on whether Cranky is Donkey's father or grandfather from game to game. DK has also made countless appearances in Mario games over the years, so it's a little unbelievable that the two exist in two completely different time periods: Unless they're factoring in that apes have a shorter lifespan than humans. Is it possible that Cranky is only in his late 40's? What's that in plumber years?


4. Zelda's Split Timeline Theory (Zelda Series)



Zelda has always played it fast and loose with chronology. Most of the games seem to exist in their own disconnected world, and tying up all those disparate timelines is a huge challenge, especially when some suddenly swap out the land of Hyrule with a big-ass ocean (thanks for that, Wind Waker). But us nerds crave order. If our games aren't governed by some insane secret logic, then they're worthless as online-argument-fuel. And a world without screaming fights with strangers about video games? Unthinkable. Luckily, the release of Ocarina of Time made the Zelda theorist's life a little easier by introducing everyone's favorite narrative skeleton key: Time Travel.

At the end of Ocarina, after you roast Ganon like a pig at a luau, Zelda sends Link back in time to relive the childhood that he had missed out on. This means that each time period has its own unique ending, splitting the series into two timelines: one where an adult Link was magicked away after his victory against Ganon, and the one where child Link returned and grew up naturally with knowledge of his adventure. So in timeline A, after Link is sent away, Hyrule is defenseless when Ganon inevitably comes back to town. The ensuing chaos between good & evil floods the entire realm of Hyrule, setting up the oceanic world of Wind Waker. And in timeline B, a young Link is able to inform Zelda of Ganondorf's evil plans before the fact, leading to Ganon's execution scene and the events in Twilight Princess.

It's good. In fact, it's so good, that the split-timeline theory was later confirmed by Miyamoto, making this more openly-touted fact than theory. But come on, we all know who did the real grunt work of discovering this genius time loophole: Admiral Cheetofingers Forumposter, fighting the good fight for us all.