1. Mario

    Is there a problem, officer?

  2. Cop

    Quite a few, actually. First off, you're speeding.

  3. Mario

    I'm trying to win a race.

  4. Cop

    Illegal street racing on the wrong side of the highway?

  5. Mario

    Well when you put it like that…

  6. Cop

    And littering. That banana peel you threw back there caused an accident.

  7. Mario

    Yeah, about the banana. Wario was all up in my sh*t so I had to send him packing.

  8. Cop

    I'll also have to write you up for endangering a child.

  9. Mario

    Oh, because I've got Baby Luigi with me? He's fine. Not a bad racer himself.

  10. Cop

    You…you let the baby drive for you?

  11. Mario

    It's not a big deal. If he careens off a cliff, that flying turtle guy will pull us out with his fishing pole.

  12. Cop

    …Did you take any drugs before you started driving today, sir?

  13. Mario

    No, but I picked up some mushrooms while I was driving today.

  14. Cop

    Sir, step out of the car.

  15. Mario

    Listen, officer. Maybe we can work something out. How about a hundred gold coins?

  16. Cop

    I'm not taking bribes! And where the hell did you get so much gold!?

  17. Mario

    I punched a bunch of bricks.

  18. Cop

    Step. Out. Of. The. Car.

  19. Mario

    Fine. But not finishing this race is going to kill my chances at the Star Cup. You're practically handing it to Donkey Kong.

  20. Cop

    …Donkey Kong?

  21. Mario

    He's a gorilla.

  22. Cop

    You were racing a gorilla?

  23. Mario

    And various dinosaur mutants. Also, more babies.