3.



Finding a nice secret spot and picking off your opponents is all right for a kill or two, but when you're trying to run out the clock in the privacy of your little spider hole, people will start to call you out for the camper you are. In-game camping is a lot like real life camping, actually: it's all right to do in small amounts, but if you stay for too long people will start to think you're afraid to face the world. Only this version of camping has no cool side effects, like growing a sweet beard or getting to ride grizzly bears.


2.



Most fighting games employ a deep, layered system of combat, including numerous variations, combos, and complex, devastating special moves. Unfortunately, all of that is lost on your younger cousin, who has had your guy pinned in the corner with high-punches for the past half-hour. Your controller has more than one button, buddy, why don't you try a few of the others out? What's worse is that button-mashers always gloat about their game-exploiting victories like they're King Karate of Fisticuff Mountain. Fortunately, most of these arguments end in guaranteed Actual Fights, where the ability to mash buttons is a less-reliable indicator of success.


1.



Everyone's got a "bad" controller at their placeĀ… maybe the buttons are a little sticky, maybe the thumbstick is loose, maybe it's a hilarious piece of third-party garbage. Either way, nothing is cheaper than getting saddled with this ticking time-bomb. Sometimes you won't even realize your trigger button doesn't work until your onscreen avatar is waving his gun around wildly, trying to wish the bullets out, while your opponents laugh and fill your torso with daylight. But sometimes being stuck with the broken controller isn't always the worst thing. If you lose, you can always blame your tools. But if you win, then it's bragging rights for eternity.

You hear that, Craig? Hand me your stupid Mad Catz controller. This ends TONIGHT.